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Category Archives: Hmmm

My little can of beans

So who would have figured that after a most challenging day of doing what I do best in our little existence here in Zeroville, that I would come home to relax, lie on the couch and have my ass kicked? Did you see it coming? I sure as hell didn’t.

So my nice comfortable tight little lid on my little can of beans was ripped from it’s place of false security and my ass was kicked so hard that my beans scattered everywhere for everyone to see. Actually it was an everyone of one! And actually the ass kicking was in the most mind blowing way possible.

How?

If I had to answer 3 seemingly easy questions and instantly failed to do so, my questions would be answered for me. Just as instantly. Answered in a way that no one could. No one has that information. Its my can. They’re my beans! Until now.

Have you ever had your story told to you in bullet points? Its really something else. Especially when the story teller keeps hitting the nail on the head.

How?

Alright, so for now forget the how. Its the reality that counts. I question too much. I analyze. Its in me. I’m a trouble shooter, solution provider and fault finder. I need to stop finding faults and focus on other talents.

Moving forward its time to rub my ass and scoop my beans back together but this time trying to leave the lid off. There are some amazing beans in there that I have to let breathe and soak in some sunshine.

Keep the faith

 
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Posted by on October 27, 2011 in Africa, Hmmm, Hoox... You're such a, Ideas, Life, Random

 

BOOZE!…

For those days when shit just absolutely has to make sense!

corona nude

 
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Posted by on September 28, 2011 in Hmmm, Holiday, Life, Nude, Rant 'n Rave, Travel

 

A mans freezer

What more does a bloke need in a freezer? Ice and ice cream. Hmmmm! Can’t beat it.
Ok maybe a bottle of vodka would round it off nicely.

- Posted via iPhone

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2011 in Africa, Hmmm

 

Language is a funny thing

If you stay in a place long enough you eventually start picking up local lingo whether you try to or not. Usually you learn the bad stuff first. I think that’s just the international unwritten law. Teach the foreigner the “good shit” and have a laugh.

Languages

I’ve been in Albania long enough to have progressed beyond that, like I can order a beer and coffee and have very basic introduction greetings with perfect strangers. But that’s where it becomes complicated. If I don’t have Puccino around to translate it gets out of hand very quickly! You can either be the foreign prick that walks into a place saying “Hellloooo” as loudly and clearly as possible in the hopes that someone will understand you and return the greeting in English, or you can try and be courteous and utilize the sliver of local dialect you have learned to greet people politely. The latter usually opens a barrage of sounds that make absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Even if you try to kerb it a little with a well placed “ Shume mafal, jo Shqiptar” which roughly translated means “Very sorry, no Albanian”. I think that because you said that in Albanian they assume you are just a lying foreigner and reckon you can communicate perfectly with them and that increases the barrage of strange sounds!

It really reminds me of an episode of the Simpsons when Bart is sent to France as an exchange student! You know it? Crazy I tell you!

 
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Posted by on December 16, 2009 in Albania, Hmmm, L & J, World in 80 ways

 

What is art?

The other night while sitting having a chat with [names removed for privacy] over a few beers at the Irish bar we started discussing art and it’s principles. It’s amazing how many “profound” blog posts of mine have generated under very similar identical circumstances. For the record we were speaking specifically about photography at first and not all of what is including herein was discussed.

The gist I think of the conversation was more about whether or not the definition of art was a fact or opinion. What would one consider to be art? And then, what would one deem good art or bad art? Is this domain governed strictly by the professionals or can an amateur like myself or others have the right to say, “That’s not art, that’s shit / disgusting / pathetic / useless or pointless / ridiculous / [feel free to add your own descriptions]”. I myself feel that both positive or negative critique towards the subject matter is of personal view and therefore simply an opinion. What is deemed priceless art can be seen as cheap wallpaper to someone else.

Personally I think art can simply be described as “an expression for emotive reaction” or something similar. This pretty much covers everything I think including common art such as paintings, sculpture and photography etc as well as dance, vocal or acting and also skills such as “the art of war” or other lesser accepted “normal” forms of art.

However this digs deeper. Let it now be known that I am not offering any opinion on any of the following subject matter but rather beg the question of fact in an arena I am less that adequately versed!

To quote the [selected few bullets] definition of art as per Dictionary.com:

              • the quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.
              • a field, genre, or category of art: Dance is an art
              • any field using the skills or techniques of art
              • skill in conducting any human activity

At what boundary should (or shouldn’t) any “works of art” be deemed an acceptable or not acceptable form of art as set out by the laws that govern art? Is that boundary set by the “artist” or the “viewer” of said material?

I will mention but a few examples: (Now is a good time to warn it does get a bit graphic). I am sticking specifically to photography to keep it short.

Exhibit A:
Kids running around taking photos of each other on cell phones? You can see these pictures on Facebook, Flickr or any number of online sources. One could look at the photographs as simple childish fun and not think twice about them. What if some thought went into the image? Lighting, position, angle, concept, subject matter and composition but still taken by the same playful kids? Would that now be considered art? What then if it were simply an amateurish snap taken of Yoko Ono by John Lennon in Central Park (assuming they had camera cell phones in the day), would that then be considered some expression by very passionate people? Art? Value is in the eye of the beholder or in the holder of the paint brush/camera?

Exhibit B:
Meaningless blood and guts, gore, brain leaking head wounds, disgusting depictions of death and carnage with maggot infested rotting corpses appealing to some sick fetish of evil doers stuck away in some dark dank cellars hiding from “civilized” humanity. Or could this be war correspondence as covered to varying degrees by all major news networks including Al Jazeera, Reuters and other lesser censored media outlets. Is this now then suddenly seen as a work of art and worthy of a Pulitzer prize?

Exhibit C:
Well lit nude photography with immaculate composition and design with the intention of creating emotive and / or suggestive reactions of an erotic nature? Take the well lit aspect (for example) away and does it become simple cheap smut pornography tagged with the term obscene and tarred with the same brush as other forms of entertainment accepted only by “dirty old men” in seedy peepshow cinemas? Could the same porn and smut be considered an acceptable form of art? What about an up close and personal view of a female spread eagle showing nothing but her open vagina? Utterly disgusting and repulsive to some? Acceptable but not widely appreciated by others? Perhaps alternatively viewed as sensual form and a wonderful depiction of the sheer beauty of the female body in all her glory? Would dressing it up with jewellery such as piercings etc change any points of view? What if you dim the light, add some colour or shading or Photoshop texture or other filters and effects? Is a sepia pencil sketch mosaic vagina cheap smut porn or art?

Exhibit D:
~Most definitely the point which could offend some if not all so I repeat again: This is not my personal view but rather begging the question based on cold fact or general opinion!
Child pornography, snuff (being the act of recording in a media format the act of dying or killing of a human being or animal) or bestiality? I already know the immediate reaction by almost everyone including myself. This is out of the question and in no way could be considered art in any form whatsoever without exception. Now what if any of these were done in a way that was expressive and thus conjuring up expressive emotion? Is anger and disgust not an expressive emotion? As sick as any of these forms of expression are, are they not just that? Forms of expression? And did it not just conjure up expressive emotion? But seriously now, what makes this wrong? THEY ARE ALL AGAINST THE LAW and obviously rightly so. These are such laws as set out by civilization to outline what society deems as the normal behaviour for humanity. Even so I’m sure the law enforcement agencies around the world will agree that there is no shortage of any of the above mentioned material available across countless mediums therefore there is a market for it all. Murder, paedophilia and bestiality are all the actual act that is illegal making the recording of such activities equally as illegal. Now what if you happen to be in a country that did not consider any or all of these acts as illegal? I certainly hope that no such country exists but what if we analyse one aspect more closely. What if the legal age of consent of a “minor” in one country is 14 years old and another is 21 years old? Could the photographing a naked 15 year old in an acceptably agreed artistic way in Country 1 be seen as art by citizens of Country 1 and vile and despicable by citizens of Country 2? Is that not a clear example of what is simple opinion?

Get back to the original discussion and how this all started: What is art and what can be deemed artistic?

 
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Posted by on December 10, 2009 in Art, Hmmm, Nude, Photography, Rant 'n Rave, World in 80 ways

 

33 000ft @ 33Kgs

When you travel on holiday it’s easier to fly within the regulations of 1 piece of check-in luggage @ 23kgs and 1 piece of hand luggage @ 7kgs. Seriously, all you need is enough clean skiddies, t-shirts and shorts to survive 2 weeks without having to do laundry. That and a sufficient supply of condoms to round off the bags and you’re done. When you are effectively relocating it’s a completely different story! Laptop, suit and other work clothes, casual clothes, shoes etc etc etc. How the hell are you ever going to get within those constraints?

ExcessBaggage

My problem is that I have an extra large laptop and at least 10kgs of photography equipment. I stand and stare at all this crap trying to shave off weight and no matter what I try I just can’t do it! So I get pissed off and declare that I hate the airlines and just submit to the obvious fact that I will just have to bend and get shafted by the airline at their ridiculous excess baggage charges! At the end of the packing and once the sulk subsides, enters the clever thought patterns! Here comes a lesson called “How to fuck the airline at their own game!”. Im not sure how long this will last as systems are being put in place to kerb this. But for now, go for it. This is how it works and trust me, I had 3 different airlines to catch all with the same baggage.

Checkin

Split your luggage into 3 pieces!

You need your main bag to weigh just a couple of kgs over at the check-in counter. This way their attention is on the main bag. When you approach you smile and be super friendly without looking fake. You don’t have to be fake. Just try being nice for a change! Ask lots of questions: Is this a full flight? Can I change my seat? Is everything running on schedule? When they mention that your bag is overweight just smile and say, “Yeah I know, but there’s nothing I can do about it unfortunately. Please go gentle on me”. [Insert a huge smile here]. If you are lucky they don’t charge you. If you are not so lucky you pay a few bucks at the ticket office. No biggie! That’s 26kgs.

Your carry on bag needs to look light. It can be over by a few kgs but don’t bring any attention to it. If they ask if you have carry on just say “Yeah, just the the one piece”. It’s best if it’s a backpack of sorts and act if it’s the lightest thing on earth. With the focus on the main bag there will be little concern for your small bag. That’s 10kgs

Now here’s the clincher. Have a mate at the airport with you holding your extra bag that’s 10kgs away from the check-in counters. The airline doesn’t know about it and it doesn’t get seen or accounted for. By the time you have your boarding pass, your passport and are ready to go, there are no more scales. All you are doing is passing through security where you stick both your bags through, passport control where they don’t care a hoot what bags you have, and usually duty free shopping where you are free to pick up whatever you want with no consideration as to the weight!

You have just climbed on board with 46kgs and a small (if any) excess baggage fee. Get in the front of the line at the boarding gate! You will need the extra space in the overheard compartments!

ONLY try this if you have a friend at the airport with you! If you think you can leave your bag at the coffee shop while you quickly go and check in then think again! It WILL either get taken by the airport police which are rightly required to be ultra sharp these days or at the very least it will be nicked (stolen). I suppose this way you don’t have to worry about the extra KGs!

An obvious disclaimer: I am not responsible for you or anyone else taking excess baggage or any consequences whatsoever that may result from this including loss or extra expense. Always consult the airlines official website or travel offices for their specific rules and regulations.

 

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World’s Largest Strawberry

Well I’ll be damned! I went to Woolworths the other day to pick up some great healthy fruit and veg. Yeah yeah I’m trying ok! And look what I found! Can you believe the size of these strawberries. I swear they are just like small apples!

Strawberry

And the Yanks think they have it bigger and better! These guys ROCK! Home gown South African fruit. Best in the world!

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2009 in Hmmm, Interesting, L & J, South Africa, USA

 

AA Spiral Guide

Even when travelling around your own country it is advisable at times to get yourself a great guide book to ensure you don’t miss out on anything that may interest you along the way. The only problem is when these guides get it wrong. What’s odd with this statement: “Above: Sunset on Durban beach”? Found in the AA Spiral Guide of South Africa.

Sunset Durban 

If you can’t guess or are not from South Africa so have little idea where Durban is, I will give it to you. Durban is on the east coast of South Africa. The sun (even in Africa as backward as it is) still rises in the east. Therefore, there is NO SUCH THING as a sunset on a Durban beach. If you are lucky and crazy enough to wake up that early then you may just be in time to catch a “Sunrise on Durban Beach”

Bunch of CHUMPS!

 
 

Off The Hoox – Going Offline

Going Offline 01I have given it a bit of thought and have decided to shut down, or should I say, just leave dormant, Off The Hoox. At least for now. At least for a while.

I have a few reasons and again most of which I don’t care to discuss but I guess the biggest reason is that I just don’t get the kick out of it that I used to. Things change. People change. Some things stay the same while people change and I guess visa versa too! Cryptic as hell I know but that not important. As you can see I have posted less and less over the past little while and now it’s going to stop.

My life is changing too and I guess living it out on the internet is also losing it’s appeal. Perhaps a life with a bit of privacy could be a good thing. Just like everyone else.

I don’t know if I will be down forever. This might just be a sabbatical. I really don’t know. Thanks to all that have been so supportive and commented through all the ups and downs. To hell with the people that weren’t. Hahaha. We can’t please everyone in life now can we? But it’s ok. The world needs you too! :-)

Hasta la vista, baby! Stay kewl. See you around. Hopefully in the real world.

Going Offline 02

~Hoox

 
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Posted by on May 8, 2009 in Hmmm, Life, Random, Technology

 

Shopping with KP

Trust me here!

There is only 1 way to handle a shopping spree with a female!

Shopping

 
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Posted by on March 30, 2009 in Female, Hmmm, South Africa, Wishlist

 
 
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