There is absolutely nothing wrong with a good fight. It shows passion and gives you a feeling and sense of being alive with purpose worth fighting for. But that’s just the point. What is that purpose you are fighting for? Is this purpose worth fighting for? Too many people today fight simply for the sake of fighting. Who me?
Yes. I have to put myself in that category as well. I too have been caught out fighting simply for the sake of fighting. I’m not talking about getting all bloodied up in vicious bar brawls as that’s not my scene, although the scars left behind can be greater than those from stitches. I fight evil and I go for the jugular. I immediately feel backed up and cornered and I lash out with everything I have in order to squash any hope of retaliation. Nip it in the bud so to speak. The wrath of Hoox comes from deep down inside. That has closed (slammed) many doors.
Fortunately, and I must say very fortunately, with the guidance and direction of some specific people and certain actions I have taken in my life I have come to a point where I can recognise the fight and can slow the fury down to some degree. I am far from having tamed it but taking that first step in recognising it is a big deal for me. Recognising it’s pending arrival and dealing with it early also helps to make amends later because the damage isn’t as great as before. Well, most times. Sometimes it just runs and God help anyone in it’s path. I have lost many people in my life because of this. Good people too. The Lovely KT could attest to this. I swear if she was a bloke she would have balls of galvanized cast iron the size of watermelons. She faced a lot of it and just dealt with it in the kindest, most loving way. She never left even though I did. I caused a lot of hurt and I will own up to that. My fears also went on to hurt others and especially those around her. Her closest and most dear to her. For all of this, and to all of you, I am deeply sorry. I really didn’t mean it but I know this is no excuse.
Hopefully someday I will work out where this all came from and what the trigger is. Until then all I can do is apologise and deal with it. I’m hoping this recent change in my lifestyle and career will help a little just being grounded to something I care about. Africa. God wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could learn to channel all this energy that gets expelled in the fight into something good, something great, something worth fighting for. That’s when the fight becomes good. Get some like minded people together and stop fighting against but instead fight WITH and fight FOR. This way getting bloody can only be positive with an end result that is actually beneficial. A novel idea.
Gloves off!
