People love pilots. People need IT geeks. See where I am heading with this?
I am a little tired of having everyone refer to my paid career, my life, with comments like, “Oh I don’t understand all this computer bullsh!t”, and other comments like, “Damn things were so much easier without all this stupid computer nonsense”. Well I say, “here you go. Have the stone ages you technophobic, slide rule graphing, antiquated delinquent, IT-illiterate-in-the-21st-century dinosaur! ASSHOLE!”. These same assholes are quick to complain when their Skype wont work, their cell phone wont connect, the internet is a little slow, or when one of the other 100s of technologies this industry has offered to make their lives simpler 99.99% of the time, is unavailable. Deal with it!
The other gripe I have is the same complaining old-school engineer that hangs over your shoulder with that pickled tobacco and last night’s whiskey breath watching and starts questioning your every move like he knows what the hell is going on.
- Rule #1 : Get out of my way. Don’t ask for help and then completely block any access to your computer and continue to mash your keyboard wildly the way you did when you created the problem in the first place.
- Rule #2 : If you think you know better, do it yourself. I don’t tell you how to build a power station / bridge / gas plant / count beans / wipe your ass. Leave the I.T. to the I.T. guy!
- Rule #3 : Don’t ask if you don’t care and don’t really want to know what was wrong. I don’t get a kick out of trying to explain the inner workings of the network that you broke to people who look as interested as if I was explaining how to make soup!
- Rule #4 : If you can’t get your memory stick connected to your PC on your own, don’t ask me how to set up a wireless network on your own at your house the next time you go home. Call PC World and pay out your ass like the rest of the population.
- Rule #5 : I don’t have “magic fingers”. I am just f*cking good at what I do! It’s my job. No one acts surprised when you manage to complete your tasks assigned to your position. Although sometimes they should!
- Rule #6 : No you can’t get your wife to call me for IT support whenever she has problems logging onto MSN or Skype. It’s not my problem. I don’t get everyone I know to call you when they are having trouble with … oh I dunno … whatever stupid thing it is you do in this place.
Here is why it is so much better being a pilot:
- Rule #1 : No one will ask you how to fly to their destination and then climb up into the cockpit and try get there themselves.
- Rule #2 : No one is going to come and knock on the cockpit door and offer advice on how to power up the turbine in engine #4 without overheating it.
- Rule #3 : No one will ask you about the laws of gravity and principles of flight. They just accept that planes fly.
- Rule #4 : No one is going to ask you how to fly a plane cos that’s what they want to do the next time they are at home.
- Rule #5 : Same as above: “Pilots don’t have “magic fingers”. They are just f*cking good at what they do!”
- Rule #6 : Ok, if your wife is hot you can get her to call me and I will take her flying. When she gets back she may have just become the newest member of the Mile High Club.
People admire pilots. People abuse IT geeks!
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