There is absolutely nothing wrong with a good fight. It shows passion and gives you a feeling and sense of being alive with purpose worth fighting for. But that’s just the point. What is that purpose you are fighting for? Is this purpose worth fighting for? Too many people today fight simply for the sake of fighting. Who me?
Yes. I have to put myself in that category as well. I too have been caught out fighting simply for the sake of fighting. I’m not talking about getting all bloodied up in vicious bar brawls as that’s not my scene, although the scars left behind can be greater than those from stitches. I fight evil and I go for the jugular. I immediately feel backed up and cornered and I lash out with everything I have in order to squash any hope of retaliation. Nip it in the bud so to speak. The wrath of Hoox comes from deep down inside. That has closed (slammed) many doors.
Fortunately, and I must say very fortunately, with the guidance and direction of some specific people and certain actions I have taken in my life I have come to a point where I can recognise the fight and can slow the fury down to some degree. I am far from having tamed it but taking that first step in recognising it is a big deal for me. Recognising it’s pending arrival and dealing with it early also helps to make amends later because the damage isn’t as great as before. Well, most times. Sometimes it just runs and God help anyone in it’s path. I have lost many people in my life because of this. Good people too. The Lovely KT could attest to this. I swear if she was a bloke she would have balls of galvanized cast iron the size of watermelons. She faced a lot of it and just dealt with it in the kindest, most loving way. She never left even though I did. I caused a lot of hurt and I will own up to that. My fears also went on to hurt others and especially those around her. Her closest and most dear to her. For all of this, and to all of you, I am deeply sorry. I really didn’t mean it but I know this is no excuse.
Hopefully someday I will work out where this all came from and what the trigger is. Until then all I can do is apologise and deal with it. I’m hoping this recent change in my lifestyle and career will help a little just being grounded to something I care about. Africa. God wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could learn to channel all this energy that gets expelled in the fight into something good, something great, something worth fighting for. That’s when the fight becomes good. Get some like minded people together and stop fighting against but instead fight WITH and fight FOR. This way getting bloody can only be positive with an end result that is actually beneficial. A novel idea.
Gloves off!
Me thinks you are the one with balls of steel! You have taken really tough circumstances and put up with them for such a long time it would make anyone crazy. I want you to know that you are loved and cherished and will always have a place with ALL of us.
The words of this song come to mind and i hope you listen to them and take heed! Music has always played such a huge role in our very long love affair and they express how we have felt through out the good and the heartbreaking times being so far apart from one another. No one will really understand how much we fell and how hard and how fast.
It is time for you to begin your journey…and i have fought with everything i have in my body and soul to keep you as my friend. you will never be alone!
*Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin
Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you’re far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we’re far apart
You’re always in my heart
For you are not alone*
I love you, your bravery, your lust for self discovery and your very kind giving and gentle heart…… YOU will NEVER be alone!
with all my heart
from all the Family
who love you, no matter what,
you will never be alone and you will ALWAYS have US!!!
LOve and HUggies
your BoO
KT - Thank you my darling. Thank you for the kind words. It is all happening now. I have more news that will come out in the wash. It’s all good. It’s all moving. I’m out! Im trying to get hold of the song but our link is proving unreliable. I will keep trying!
Hope you are having an incredible weekend. XXX
Ciao sweets.
Ps. Thanks for the call. It made me feel better!
How you doing Chris? looks like it is time you came and partied with Lynne and Marcel in Cairns, Australia! Marcel reckons there is nothing to like washing away all issues and concerns with a scuba dive in the Great Barrier Reef and he should know after being married to me for so many years. Just can’t seem to get him to wear the cement booties I bought him as a present though
Keep smiling.
Lynne
LK - Heeeyy!! Yeah I agree its time for a party but alas I cant do Thailand AND Cairns. You can always join me in Thailand and go diving no? I don’t know what it’s like to be married to you but after working for both of you I can easily say you are made for each other. Trust me I mean that in the nicest possible way
Take care Lynne! Chat soon
X