OffTheHoox.com

Before anyone gets any funny ideas, there is a distinct difference between settling IN and settling DOWN.

My next few days were mind-bogglingly hectic and I would never have managed it without G’s help. Thank you very much pal! We shopped and sorted shit out like demons! To cut the whole mission short I will summarise.

This takes care of Thursday, Friday and Saturday:

After visiting a silly amount of bed shops checking out the best deal, I bought a bed and had it delivered same day. Its the best bed in the world, and its mine! I got some other things like bedside tables, lamps, a laundry basket, a student desk for my upcoming studies and some bedding and stuff.

A massive thanks to AH (aka pops), who with his help I managed to sort out a bank account in a matter of 30 minutes. Nothing like having connections in high places. I am now SA legit with proof of address and everything.

After stopping off at countless car dealerships and looking through magazines and papers and checking sites out on the net, I managed to secure a vehicle on Saturday morning. With some fancy footwork next week with transferring of funds etc, I will take delivery of it on Wednesday morning. Very exciting.

I don’t even want to imagine how much I have spent in the last couple if days but it has all been necessary, worthwhile and successful. I will have to take a look at my finances later on in the week when all the credit card payments are realised on the account and plan accordingly.

My head hurts

“Long” being the operative word here…

Wednesday was a long haul. As before I had to be at the airport at 9am for a 1pm flight which due to traffic means you have to leave the hotel at 7:30am. You only ask why the 4 hour check-in until you stand in line and see how completely useless and slow the check-in attendants are. I swear I stood for 2 hours at least and I was quite near the front.

Once checked in though it was ok as I sat upstairs in a lounge. The time passed quickly while I messed about on the internet and got Skype working on my iPhone. Sitting on the plane I looked out the window and stared at the terminal building until I slowly drifted off to sleep. The flight was empty so I had heaps of space. I was woken for dinner and then I dozed off again. What a pleasure.

I woke up about 15 minutes outside Johannesburg when my ears popped in the descent. It was a lovely clear evening and very dark for 6pm but that made for a lovely arrival back home. The captain put us down gently and before too long I was whizzing through passport control and getting my bags.

My super special magic Bean had kindly made arrangements for me to borrow her moms car for a while until I get sorted with my own transport. Thank you sweet Bean!! Love you! XXX. They live close to the airport so they suggested that instead of having someone fetch me and take me to pick up the car, it would simply be easier for them to collect me with the car. Fab idea. So Beans uncle K came around to collect me which was really good of him. We went back to his place to see everyone and say hi with a cup of tea.

I was really tired so after about and hour or so I excused myself, bid my farewells and was on the road heading north to my mate G’s house where I will be staying for a little while. I was starving so I stopped for a quick takeaway which I devoured in seconds upon arriving G’s house. It was very kewl to see him again. Such a good guy. He has been off for a while after an operation but is now doing really well. He has this 2 bedroom place but the one room never had a bed in it. Shopping was required. Wednesday night I slept on the couch which was bliss as it was more comfortable than the bed I have been sleeping on in camp.

I was finally home and going to sleep on my first night back in South Africa.

Let the fun and games begin. Tomorrow!

I know I have said this before on numerous occasions but I will say it again. Leaving for good is always sad. It’s not the place or the job, but rather the people and memories. As you walk out the door it’s the good times you remember. Ok, maybe that’s just me.

It became the shortest long 45 days ever. Suddenly it was time for me to go. Everyone had only good things to say as I was packing up for the last time. My door was open and people kept coming around and seeing how I was doing. Last minute handover scrambles and final tweaking of my network so I could be happy that I left it in 100% order and everyone was happy. I think I finally stopped and went to bed at around 10pm knowing that it was an early 4am start and with instructions from Rocky for a wakeup call with tea before I left.

It was like I just blinked and it was 4am. Through the shower and got dressed for travel. I made the tea. The most senior chipmunk was awake and sitting under our drinking tree so I went and had a chat with him while the kettle boiled. I never knew 5am could be so relaxing. I was completely expecting to be waking Rocky up with the tea but it seems our Filipino neighbours had already taken care of that as per usual with a touch of early morning Techno Karaoke at full blast and the door opened within seconds of knocking.

Eventually it was 6am and time to go and there were a few people that came around to say goodbye. Damn I’m going to miss these people. When we were driving down the dusty road to the little Soyo airport I was thinking how this was going to be the last time I ever saw that road. Upon arrival at the airport we discovered that the flight had been rescheduled for 10:30. No point hanging around there for 3 hours so back off to the camp we went. Of course everyone laughed when I walked back in and the expected comments like: “I knew you would change your mind”. It was great seeing everyone again but of course that just meant another goodbye in a couple of hours. It was worth it. I got to sit and chat with Rocky some more and as normal people were having IT troubles so I was called in and to the delight of these people, I got them up and running in no time.

10am came around and I was off, for good this time. I was traveling with a colleague and we ended up standing in the sun for almost 2 hours more waiting for the rescheduled flight that was now delayed. You got to love Africa.

Luanda was actually quite nice for once. I think there is some satisfaction in the chaos knowing you will not be coming back. Thankfully Rocky kept me amused with numerous text messages which helped pass the time in traffic. I drove through town appreciating everything for what it was with the knowledge that it was all to be over in less than 24 hours. No more Angola, no more project, no more company, no more travel, no more IT. Gulp

After a long afternoon and later a bottle of wine, it was time to close this chapter. My bags with all my belongings were finally packed for the last time.

Sleep tight Angola

TBC…

I may or may not have mentioned earlier, but my passport recently went on a sabbatical in search of an Angolan residence/work visa.

I am not a big fan of having my passport out of my sight for a second let alone having it “somewhere” with “someone” (no one really knows or cares to tell me) for an undetermined period of time in some 3rd word country while getting approved for a visa. I was told it could be 10 days. I guess I had no choice. I made a copy of it, got the copy certified and sent the passport packing. That was 5 weeks ago. Not happy!

Last week I get a call for our admin people saying, and I quote: “Joking aside, when {Name} came back yesterday from {Client} with some of the passports, yours wasn’t included. What happened was, yours was amongst 2 others that had a mistake, therefore, had to be returned to {Government}. I am very sorry for the misunderstanding. I was certain he told me the other way around and that yours was the ‘good’ one.” Less happy!

It turns out I was issued the wrong type of visa and it was returned for the fix with the comment that it will probably take just as long as the original submission. That meant a return of my passport at the end of June. You see the problem? I leave here next week! My only hope then was to leave on the certified copy of my passport (which I have successfully used for internal travel) and arrive in SA on my South African passport. It was touch and go and I must admit I was more than just a little nervous!

Today however I got the great news. My prodigal passport has returned. It is in the grubby claws of a colleague traveler in Luanda who will be visiting tomorrow and will hand it over so I can have it in MY grubby claws! Hoox and Passport reunited. I am going to have to try my best to hold back my tears of joy when I see it again. “Welcome back my little thrashed passport. I have missed you SO much! I will never leave you with those nasty people ever again. *sniff sniff*”

I get to leave as scheduled and legally without an issue.

This should be the last time for a while when I get to say, “Hey it’s weekend time, what you up to while I’m working?”

I will be working tomorrow. Handing all this politics over to my unfortunate replacement. Next week I will be saying, “Hey it’s weekend, what the hell are the plans for tonight, where we meeting?”

Awesome.

Until then I will be polishing off my last bottle of Portuguese red tonight, clubbing a lovely bottle of Douglas Green South African red with Rocky tomorrow night and holding my head nursing a hangover on Sunday. That’s a pretty good weekend all in all despite the work situation tomorrow.

I count my last days on one hand now!

Just over a week is all I have left here. Wicked.

It is going to be a very busy week however. I will be on the road for a couple of days with limited access to the internet so I am going to be quiet for  while…

See you all when I get back. Perhaps Friday.

No reasonable internet access = No Titillating Tuesday.
Sorry. Back next week!

People love pilots. People need IT geeks. See where I am heading with this?

I am a little tired of having everyone refer to my paid career, my life, with comments like, “Oh I don’t understand all this computer bullsh!t”, and other comments like, “Damn things were so much easier without all this stupid computer nonsense”. Well I say, “here you go. Have the stone ages you technophobic, slide rule graphing, antiquated delinquent, IT-illiterate-in-the-21st-century dinosaur! ASSHOLE!”. These same assholes are quick to complain when their Skype wont work, their cell phone wont connect, the internet is a little slow, or when one of the other 100s of technologies this industry has offered to make their lives simpler 99.99% of the time, is unavailable. Deal with it!

The other gripe I have is the same complaining old-school engineer that hangs over your shoulder with that pickled tobacco and last night’s whiskey breath watching and starts questioning your every move like he knows what the hell is going on.

• Rule #1 : Get out of my way. Don’t ask for help and then completely block any access to your computer and continue to mash your keyboard wildly the way you did when you created the problem in the first place.
• Rule #2 : If you think you know better, do it yourself. I don’t tell you how to build a power station / bridge / gas plant / count beans / wipe your ass. Leave the I.T. to the I.T. guy!
• Rule #3 : Don’t ask if you don’t care and don’t really want to know what was wrong. I don’t get a kick out of trying to explain the inner workings of the network that you broke to people who look as interested as if I was explaining how to make soup!
• Rule #4 : If you can’t get your memory stick connected to your PC on your own, don’t ask me how to set up a wireless network on your own at your house the next time you go home. Call PC World and pay out your ass like the rest of the population.
• Rule #5 : I don’t have “magic fingers”. I am just f*cking good at what I do! It’s my job. No one acts surprised when you manage to complete your tasks assigned to your position. Although sometimes they should!
• Rule #6 : No you can’t get your wife to call me for IT support whenever she has problems logging onto MSN or Skype. It’s not my problem. I don’t get everyone I know to call you when they are having trouble with … oh I dunno … whatever stupid thing it is you do in this place.

Here is why it is so much better being a pilot:

• Rule #1 : No one will ask you how to fly to their destination and then climb up into the cockpit and try get there themselves.
• Rule #2 : No one is going to come and knock on the cockpit door and offer advice on how to power up the turbine in engine #4 without overheating it.
• Rule #3 : No one will ask you about the laws of gravity and principles of flight. They just accept that planes fly.
• Rule #4 : No one is going to ask you how to fly a plane cos that’s what they want to do the next time they are at home.
• Rule #5 :  Same as above: “Pilots don’t have “magic fingers”. They are just f*cking good at what they do!”
• Rule #6 : Ok, if your wife is hot you can get her to call me and I will take her flying. When she gets back she may have just become the newest member of the Mile High Club.

People admire pilots. People abuse IT geeks!

It had to happen. It couldn’t all go sweet roses and peaches until the day I left. I have been trying so hard to keep a pleasant attitude and let stuff wash over me. But right now I feel nothing but raw contempt! I am sick of being treated like an animal and so now I feel this whole place can burn in hell.

I’m afraid that’s the extent of my pleasantries for now. If I wrote anymore and said everything that I really feel it would require a PG21 rating and could probably get me into trouble, legally.

So for now I am going to take a break and try and find a better attitude somewhere.

It’s days like this I am very thankful I am leaving! Perhaps I will start telling the down and dirties about this place once I have left. The un-named company gets exposed!

AAAAAAAARGRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

After a discussion I was having with a good friend recently, I started wondering and contemplating my new life as a pilot, some more. I have been in the IT industry for over 10 years now. It’s what I do. It’s what I know. It’s become my life. I have acquired this mass of information and skill-sets that are completely worthless outside the industry.

Let’s be honest, pilots, or certainly all the pilots I have met, are completely IT illiterate. They simply don’t need to know how to image PCs, install servers, configure Active Directory schemas, configure WAN topologies, VLANS, hot-wire satellites in a dust storm, amongst other less interesting / more complicated things. So when I become a pilot what am I going to do with all this knowledge? What a pity you can’t sell it on. What a loss.

For Sale: IT Knowledge comprising of 10 years Microsoft experience, international exposure, 55000 user WAN input, 1st, 2nd & 3rd line support. High mileage in management roles (which is a good thing) and still in extremely good nick! Knowledge will be supplied to the highest bidder. The winning bid will also receive some construction knowledge for free if anyone cares about construction knowledge. Or not.

Up until now I have been the “Oh my son/mate/boyfriend/drinking buddy is an IT geek, I’ll ask him”. What do I become then? A has-been, an ex-geek? A NOBODY? Does this mean the midnight panic calls such as, “I have lost this really important life or death thing blah blah frikkin blah” stop? I’m pretty sure people won’t be saying, “Oh let me phone Hoox, he is a pilot, he can retrieve my really important porn or install some equally essential crap” when I am busy with other things, like having a life. Go to PC World with the rest of the population and explain your questionable hard drive contents to that spotty teenage geek behind the counter instead. I have seen quite enough thanks!

Yeah, bye bye IT world!

XXX - Thanks for everything

Love(d) you lots

Hoox!

To continue from where I left off yesterday, contemplating the pros of working from home / bed, my aching body got the better of me.

How can someone be expected to work like this? Working with a laptop on your bed is not all that its cut out to be. Changes had to be made.

I have just spent the last 15 minutes sorting my prison cell out. It’s tiny so it couldn’t take long that that. TV on top of the useless, functionless metal cupboard which freed up my desk to jam in one teeny corner. I had to squash one bag next to the cupboard and put the other one in the shared bathroom.

GOD I CANT WAIT TO GET MY OWN PLACE WITH SPACE THAT I CAN CALL MY OWN!!!!

At least now I am working from something that resembles something that can be worked from. And I get a view out the window too.

That also just so happens to be the round table that everyone drinks at after 6pm.