My life seems to consist of nothing more than a string of visits from one airport terminal to another. Just this morning I was sat at yet another airport departure terminal heading from Soyo to Luanda. Correction:- When I say another “airport departure terminal”, I actually mean a little dusty shack that you get to wait outside of while 100 people try push past with bags of fish and packets tied up with rolls of packing tape. At 35 DegC in the shade.
The heat, the humidity, the smell, the frustration. All of this going on and I am remaining quite calm. I keep reminding myself that this is the life I chose now deal with it. That was working until the most stupid thing happened. Looking back even I accept it was quite stupid. The baggage stickers that every airline sticks on the handle of your bag? You know the ones? Well normally they stick them on carefully with a little bit of the waxy paper still left attached to the sticker in the middle so the sticker doesn’t actually stick to your handle but just sticks to itself wrapped around your handle… Get it so far? Good cos these assholes don’t.
Not in this frikkin place. They pull ALL the waxy paper off and wrap it round your handle. I almost freaked. I started pulling at the sticker and it tore a little. Did I mention they were cheap shit stickers too? Well it tore just a little and security came and gave me a mouthful in Portuguese. I didn’t understand him so I hoping in that ignorant foreigner denial way that he never understood me either. Maybe we were both swearing at each other. Perhaps? Just me?
You may think this is not a big deal but wait until you pull that pesky sticker off that has been sitting out in the African sun for 3 hours and it leaves that melted glue behind on your handle that then gets transferred to your hand where you have NOWHERE TO WASH THE SHIT OFF!!!!!
I am now sitting in a comfortable airconditioned office in Luanda killing time (working my ass off) before I get to go and repeat this mornings ordeal in the international airport (ie bigger dusty shack) early tomorrow morning. At least tomorrow I sleep in South Africa. I think I can handle one more terminal before that.
Hehehe…I can just imagine this sticker incident.
It’s not that difficult to swear in Portuguese HooX, I used to work with a couple of engineers who liked to mouth off in that, so I had to learn some in self defence you see…you need the basics like “Your mother is a…” and “go to…” and then you just colour it in according to what the situation calls for.
On second thought, perhaps it’s better that you don’t always get understood everywhere!
Sweet. At this point I think you should keep traveling for good. I swear, it brings out the best on you..I love little Eric Cart.. and NO i’m not calling you fat ok….I find your bitchy attitude hilarius really. Furthermore, I believe that “The terminal” is going to be the best internationally sold book…May be I get to have an signed OTH copy one day…
Lou - Yeah, the French understanding me in Charles de Gaul almost got me arrested I think. I believe if I had dropped a “your mother is a … ” comment that would have pushed them over the edge.
Melaz - Why does everyone love me in a bad mood? I really do get upset at that moment when I’m mouthing off at some insignificant, useless, oxygen thief bastard that I’m wanting to stab in the head with my Nokia 1100 cell phone. I don’t just make this shit up. People enjoy seeing me in pain? HAHAHA. No I do understand. I used to have patience but I suddenly got sick and tired of waiting for it! I’m not so sure about a book called The Terminal but I can direct you something else that you can have signed “OTH”… It’s for a great cause. You know you wanna! I promise I wont tell Willie G which is yours.
http://offthehoox.com/ncd-2008/
YOU CAN DO IT!
Chris,
I can’t let this subject pass without making some comment.
Some people are meant to travel and some are meant to stay at home.
Some people enjoy how stimulating different cultures can be and some do not.
Some people embrace the opportunity to enjoy different experiences and some shun this for the “comfort” zone.
I have always considered myself to be the former and this comforts me when there are minor irritations. In saying that, I draw inspiration from your tales. Compared to CDG and Soyo, Cairo airport is positively brimming with efficiency.
Keep the stories coming, your misery inspires me and the rest of your loyal fan base.
Melaz,
Go girl, I look forward to doing some guess work. But the important thing is that your selfless attitude is making a difference somewhere in the world. If the rules allowed, then I would gladly submit a bricky’s cleavage and there would be plenty of room for all the necessary logos.
Regards
WG
WG
WG - Just keep reminding yourself that you keep turning left and that’s something to look forward to. I get to pack my knees behind my ears and Im a bloke so that aint sexy! Thanks for the offer mate but I am going to have to stick the original rule “Say no to crack!” Well that particular crack anyway!
Fkin Crackist…..
Hoox, I’m upset at you now. Don’t you remember what the main purpose of this little exercise was? You told me that since our dear friend suffered few negative consecuences almost every time he turned left, we need to help him to cheer up and forget his pain by looking at few pics of model cleavagers and letting him “guess” a bit to ease the pain. Your selfishness went way to far this time by not diclosing the identity of models and keeping all for yourself. Therefore, I refuse to send any pics. I hope you forgive me one day for the hard decision I had to take.
Billy -
Melaz - Hey what did I say? The only non-disclosure was for the privacy of the models and in no way meant to torment poo Willie G. That is sad though. The day would have been so much better with your support.
If you still agree to take part I promise I tell him if he is right if he guesses you. Ok? Deal? 
Melaz,
For the love of God, please forgive Hoox…..
Hoox,
I swear I will kill you if you’ve ruined the day for me.
Melaz,
Don’t read the Hoox bit (it’s private)
Hoox,
Speaking of privates. How about a National Brazilian Wax Day to celebrate, mmmmm I don’t know….. ANYTHING!
Melaz,
Don’t read the 2nd Hoox bit, I may come accross a little bit pervy. I can assure youy, that is not the case.
Hoox,
I meant the bit about killing you….
Regards
WG
WG - I hope it all works out for you cos that way I get to live.
Melaz - Help an old friend live wont you?