OffTheHoox.com

Its Easter Sunday

It’s a holiday

I’m traveling & I’m working

HAVE A HAPPY EASTER.

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Oi!! Not THOSE marbles! Pervert! On second thought… no nevermind

**A glance into a 15 minute segment of an incredibly inspiring wait at Luanda International Airplane Parking Place**
~ I’m worried about using for the term “Airport” for fear of being misleading.

Hoox says:
Ola [MSN Buddy]
Hoox says:
Sorry I’m hiding … I don’t feel like talking to work people online now
Hoox says:
consider yourself on top of the “special list “…
Hoox says:
Whhhoo Ooooo … I just tried to download iTunes from the airport internet in Luanda… I managed a whopping 2kbps
Hoox says:
I think I will be filing for my pension before that completes
Hoox says:
I’m obviously not currently sitting on top of your “speedy reply” list …
Hoox says:
So I am going to shift myself over the “temporary insanity check” list of “talking to myself”
Hoox says:
You would think it would be lonely but it aint …. I have heaps of mates here ….
Hoox says:
you just cant see them … 
Hoox says:
One of the dudes here has Mad Cow disease. He keeps giggling hysterically and alternating with a hehehhehe hahahahahaa MOOOOOOO MOOOOOOOOO HAHAHAHAHAH heheheheheehe Mmoooooooooooooooooooooo HAHAHAHAHAHA HEHEHEHehehehe
Hoox says:
We should send him out to pasture….
Hoox says:
only thing is … where would that pasture be since he is currently in my head …. does this become something called “dangerous liaisons in the pastures of the mind”?
Hoox says:
I’m sure there’s a movie in there somewhere…
Hoox says:
My brain hurts
Hoox says:
Its more than a headache…
Hoox says:
Its a [Company name]Ache…
Hoox says:
can you create a link for me please…..
Hoox says:
httpS://[Company name]Ache.Project.area.[Company name]web.[Company name].com
Hoox says:
Must be a Secure link….
Hoox says:
Cos its going to a forum of bitching sessions….
Hoox says:
There I knew you would be up for it!… just cos I mentioned the bitching session
Hoox says:
Its going to have to have some monster bandwidth since I know more than a handful of people who want to sign up …
Hoox says:
Hey at a Buck a pop split 50/50 we are most of the way there
Hoox says:
Ok … now I’m getting more bored than usual …. WHERE THE SCREAMING DIDDLY BEFOK  SHIVERING F**KING TIMBERS are you??
Hoox says:
Ooops my wife just walked into the bar ….
Hoox says:
she just doesn’t know it yet…
Hoox says:
or should I say, my future ex girlfriend has just walked into the bar…. I am a bit of a commitment phobe…
Hoox says:
Oh f**k … she don’t speak English and this place is a little too crowded for the “Language of Luuurrvveee” line…
Hoox says:
Do you think Mighty Mouse had to wait at airports before he got his super powers?
Hoox says:
if so do you think he had a laptop? F**king hope so … cos otherwise he would just be sitting here rocking back and forth on his chair TALKING TO HIM-F**KIN-SELF
Hoox says:
Hmmmm there are 3 men at reception in white coats askin after me …
Hoox says:
I think they be fixin ta take me to the pastures….
Hoox says:
That’s ok … cos if you remember earlier …. I said the pastures were in my head…
Hoox says:
and its kewl in my head!!! I am never alone in there
Hoox says:
Hey Mad Cow…. say hello!!!
Hoox says:
He is a bit of a rude MoFo
Hoox says:
Don’t look at me… I’m not rude… that’s my splintered personality you are poking fun at!
Hoox says:
Now I have said all I can say without getting carpal tunnel syndrome.
Hoox says:
Hey …. I just had a chuckle…… “Don’t make me repeat myself, I suffer from Carpal Tunnel!”
Hoox says:
No?
Hoox says:
Just me?
Hoox says:
Ok….
Hoox says:
I’m going to shut up now.
Hoox says:
Next time we chat (and I use the term “chat” loosely cos that is usually a two way activity)… remind me to copy paste something at ya!
Hoox says:
Ciiiiaaaaooooo
Hoox says:
Gone

… I pray for the patience to refrain from throttling some useless bastard tomorrow in my lengthy hot wait in another sweaty mosquito infested airport. Give me strength.

I am not sure when next I will be able to write. Hopefully it wont be too long but I cant promise. The whole of tomorrow (10am onwards - to midnight) will be signed over to the Gods of travel and all things “logistics”. I shudder to think.

Be positive Hoox! It will all go perfectly. I will be sipping a cappuccino just waiting for my last short flight to Cape Town in no time.

It would be nice if this NCD idea hit some good momentum while I’m away. I already have submissions and they will start going up soon. Possibly on the weekend if I get a chance. Get with it girls.

All else said and done, I’m off to bed for my last sleep in Luanda. Well at least for this trip anyway.

See you all soon!!

X

My life seems to consist of nothing more than a string of visits from one airport terminal to another. Just this morning I was sat at yet another airport departure terminal heading from Soyo to Luanda. Correction:- When I say another “airport departure terminal”, I actually mean a little dusty shack that you get to wait outside of while 100 people try push past with bags of fish and packets tied up with rolls of packing tape. At 35 DegC in the shade.

The heat, the humidity, the smell, the frustration. All of this going on and I am remaining quite calm. I keep reminding myself that this is the life I chose now deal with it. That was working until the most stupid thing happened. Looking back even I accept it was quite stupid. The baggage stickers that every airline sticks on the handle of your bag? You know the ones? Well normally they stick them on carefully with a little bit of the waxy paper still left attached to the sticker in the middle so the sticker doesn’t actually stick to your handle but just sticks to itself wrapped around your handle… Get it so far? Good cos these assholes don’t.

Not in this frikkin place. They pull ALL the waxy paper off and wrap it round your handle. I almost freaked. I started pulling at the sticker and it tore a little. Did I mention they were cheap shit stickers too? Well it tore just a little and security came and gave me a mouthful in Portuguese. I didn’t understand him so I hoping in that ignorant foreigner denial way that he never understood me either. Maybe we were both swearing at each other. Perhaps? Just me?

You may think this is not a big deal but wait until you pull that pesky sticker off that has been sitting out in the African sun for 3 hours and it leaves that melted glue behind on your handle that then gets transferred to your hand where you have NOWHERE TO WASH THE SHIT OFF!!!!!

I am now sitting in a comfortable airconditioned office in Luanda killing time (working my ass off) before I get to go and repeat this mornings ordeal in the international airport (ie bigger dusty shack) early tomorrow morning. At least tomorrow I sleep in South Africa. I think I can handle one more terminal before that.

I was watching Cars last night. (Actually it was the night before last but I couldn’t post it at the time of writing for lack of internet connectivity in the accommodation). What a fantastic “Animated Feature Film”, which is a very adult way of saying “an uber super kewl children’s cartoon.” Apart from some simply incredible graphics and state of the art animation that only Pixar can produce, as with most of these modern day “Animated Feature Films”, lies other messages, humour and stories for the grown ups. I’m still a kid for the most part so I feel I get to enjoy both parts.

I was so enjoying the humour as I always do with these cartoons, until they really got into the story. I’m not saying it got less funny because it didn’t, but I am saying that parts also got more serious and I suppose somewhat emotional for me. At times I felt myself saying “Oh my God” deep down inside with a lump in my throat, a tear in my eye and a fat cheesy grin on my face while having flashbacks of my past. Silly I know and not very macho is it?

Perhaps everyone sees a little of themselves in one or other character of a movie or cartoon or the likes. Without saying too much and giving the story away I can say that I saw a lot of myself in Stickers (Lightning McQueen) and it was actually really quite sad. 

To summarize, I feel a lot like “Stickers” (I love that nickname for him). I too have had, and do still have, genuine “Maters” in my life that are friends just for the sake of being friends. I guess I feel I am also stuck on the interstate and only have fleeting glimpses of Route 66. Unfortunately I am too hell bent on proving I am worth the Piston Cup to stop over in Radiator Springs for long enough to enjoy the Cozy Cone or take the great advice from wise old “Doc Hudson”. Sometimes it takes a “Sally” to slow someone (me) down and realise that I don’t have headlights  to shed some light and direction or rearview mirrors to reflect upon. That doesn’t mean giving up the race. I guess it just means aiming for a different trophy!

I am Stickers and it kinda sux!

Without seeing the movie what I have just said aint gonna to make a whole lot of sense so if you want to understand then get the DVD. If you don’t want to understand, get it anyway for the laugh and the joke. It’s worth it. Damn good movie! Maybe I just read too much into it.

You can also check it out on Wiki: Click here!

Being back in Africa for the 2nd time this adventure has been really hectic. I feel that just as I was getting used to the time zone change of being in Houston I was yanked out again and sent packing back to Africa. I am battling to sleep until 7am when suddenly I can’t keep my eyes open. This makes for a long day.

Work has been really busy and although somewhat frustrating, it has also been completely rewarding up until now. Some things still need to be ironed out aside from the masses of work that is about to hit all of us out here, I guess things will fall into place one way or another. I must stress the possibility of “or another”.

Africa has so much beauty going for it. I agree the whole continent has some issues but apart from …

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The last week has been stupidly crazy busy busy. So hectic I was not able to write, again. So now I am back in Africa and since it is a holiday Easter weekend, I have found a few moments to catch up a bit. I do apologize profusely to those who have tried to make contact but I have been to busy to respond or too busy to hang around longer than 3 minutes. Hopefully that is going to change but I do not hold my breath…

Thursday was my last day in the office and of course it was all down to the wire to get things arranged, packed and prepped to ship. The big deal was how to spread stuff around so that the electronics that I am carrying look used and avoid duties or confiscation. It was a lot of stuff. Thursday night was a quiet night again as I had to wake up early, again.

4am bell and I was up. Yesterday became a very long day. The flight was only at 12 midday but we are advised to get there for 7:30 as this charter is always overbooked and standbys happen without your knowledge. Best to get in there in the front of the line and get through and wait later. I think its about 15 hours direct which is a long time to be sitting down. Sadly since this is me mobilizing to the project, I no longer get to fly business class. I was slumped in the back but at least I didn’t have to venture through Europe this time.

We were meant to transfer directly onto a local flight to the jobsite but without reason they canceled the flight so now we sit in Luanda which creates ANOTHER early start tomorrow, again!

I am really tied but it’s good to finally be here for real, on the clock, so I can start planning my first R&R (Rest and Recuperation) in 8 weeks time. This is really why I do this job, see the world every 2 months. Then I get to bitch about travel and airports and assholes who don’t understand international (MY) etiquette.

Another beauty to look forward to is me going to South Africa next week. It’s Super Bean and German’s wedding that has taken more than a bit of convincing the company to attend. It was not an option. I will be there even if the trip is fleeting.

I think I need to go get some sleep now. My eyes are burning.

See you around. Oh and get stuck into National Cleavage Day! It’s for a good cause!

Mark it up in your calendar. It’s official:
04 April 2008 is National Cleavage Day 2008!

It’s true, it’s up and we are ready to go.

I got the official press release from the organisers (I’m not sure if I can mention her name) which pretty much declares the day on. Go for it. Get ready. I have more information expected in the near future.

Although it seems official events have not been set up yet, they are mentioning there will be some activity at Billie the BUMS, Frankie Bananaz and Cubana Latino.

Also stay tuned to Radio 5:

Tell 5FM’s Gareth Cliff How you Wear the Bra from 31 March to 4 April to win the Uber Wear the Bra prize – you will Wear the Bra, Be a Star. Think Jetsetter life!!

My last post I suggested: “And since it will be for a very good cause, I will set up a scheme for OffTheHoox to make a donation with your help and input as we have done in the past”.

Now, to put my money where my mouth (keyboard) is, I have decided that you and I together can do some good. I will pledge R10.00 per cleavage photo (that I can post online) to a charity that I will name later. Again, I will need to put a capped limit of R1000 to save from bankrupting me. Perhaps there are others out there that will add to the limit and then who knows how far we can go. You can start sending the photos immediately and I will be posting them between 31 March and 4 April.

Email your photos HERE:
OffTheHoox@gmail.com and please make the subject NCD

All photos will remain anonymous and I can assist with photo editing if faces should be removed should you wish but don’t know how. Just mention that in the email. Otherwise, they will all go up untouched.

All I ask is that you keep it authentic. Please don’t be posting any pics that are not your own, pics that others may not want online or random pics that you have found on the internet.

Let everybody know about it. It’s for a GREAT cause!

I have created a page dedicated to this event. Keep coming back for updates closer to the time: National Cleavage Day 2008!

More to come!

Hx

Being in America has been really good. I do believe Americans are really such friendly people when in their own country. They are very patriotic and love their way of life. I have always found Americans very welcoming.

Before I got here, so many people, including Americans, were warning me, “Houston is great it’s just a pity about all the Houstonians (Is that a word?) cos they are so rude”. I have met nobody in Houston that has been anything but polite, friendly and helpful. Ok, everyone except for the people at the airlines but that is just the travel industry issue!

I do love visiting America and I will be back again sometime. There’s loads in the middle that I haven’t seen yet.

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I woke up early on Sunday and called Hertz to find out about a rental car. It was so easy. All I needed was my credit card, drivers license and passport for ID. That sounds normal I know but even as a “Brit” I couldn’t not hire a van when I was in London recently because I couldn’t prove my residential address, or DNA samples and I was not willing to sign my first born over to them. Ridiculous!

Back to Hertz and even though I was a little disappointed that they never had a Ford Mustang which I LOVE, I did get a really sporty Pontiac G6 GT. This thing goes like the wind. Fortunately I did think ahead (for once) and I brought my GPS so with that stuck up on the window, I hit the open road.

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