OffTheHoox.com

I’m stuffed. It’s 7am and I feel like death. I can’t breathe. My heart is racing. I am all flushed. My hands are shaking. My legs are killing are me. I have broken out into major sweats!

Am I dying?

No. It might just be due to the fact that I have just had to walk down 21 flights of stairs. I think even my toenails are gasping for air. God am I that unfit?

[For the Americans - Lift = Elevator]

Have you ever heard me say, “Everything happens for a reason!”? Well this morning was one of those justice times that reiterated that statement. I was already walking out of my room on the 21st floor when I realised I hadn’t locked my bags. Under normal circumstances this shouldn’t be a big deal but out here I don’t think it’s a very clever thing to forget but maybe I’m just paranoid. I do think however I have the right to be paranoid when it’s my entire life in these two suitcases. So I rushed back in, locked my bags and shot out again to get to the lift thinking, “I am going to be so pissed if I have just missed the lift because of this!”

That last comment might seem arbitrary but that is only because I have not yet explained that there is only one lift in operation in this 25 story, “4 Star” gem of a hotel. During the refurbishment of lift No.2, the service lift was made available which has subsequently broken down.

I get to the lift and as I reach for the button I see it cruising past 21. Arrgggghhh!!! Now I’m pissed. I was right. I missed it because of my stupidity of not locking my bags to start with. Then I calmed myself down by thinking, “It’s ok, everything happens for a reason. I was meant to miss that lift”. Just then the lift bell started ringing. It was stuck on the 14th floor.

Now I have all these thoughts dashing around in my head. In between fleeting flashes of guilt, because maybe I jinxed that lift and I was now the reason it got stuck (could I be that powerful?), I was trying to come to grips with the reality of the fact of me having to climb down 21 flights of stairs. Eventually I just bit the bullet and started my epic descent down Mount Everest.

Surprisingly enough it didn’t take that long but maybe that’s why I am completely screwed up now and will probably be this way for the rest of the week. I never paced myself! Silly silly man!

Be still my beating heart!

Yes I am back in a Malaria area and boy am I looking forward to another good old solid dose of Malaria! It is a terrific weight loss program. Your body literally “rejects” (for lack of a better polite word) EVERYTHING from EVERYWHERE! The last 2 times I got it I lost about 10-15kgs per bout!

Ok so there is a down side too. You also feel like you are being smashed in the back of the head with a sledgehammer with every heartbeat, suffer from pain in your body like you are being bodyslammed by a WWF champ, and have extreme hot and cold sweats for the entire duration of the illness which can last up to 2 weeks if not caught early enough. Oh yes, it can also kill you in about a week if left untreated. Fun and games.

As part of the conditions of the assignment, we have been instructed to take anti-malarial drugs, of which I have chosen Lariam and although it’s known to be a son-of-a-bitch option, it’s the only effective drug out here that can be taken weekly. All the others are drugs with daily doses and I’m that useless at remembering to take medication that I have always said if I was a female relying on the pill, I would fall pregnant every 9 months. Anyhow, back to the amazing weekly drug Lariam which has some amazing effects too. Lets take a look shall we?

How does it work?
This medicine contains the active ingredient mefloquine, which is a type of medicine called an antimalarial. It is used in both the prevention and treatment of malaria.

Mefloquine works by attacking the parasites once they have entered the red blood cells. It kills the parasites and prevents them from multiplying further.

Side effects
Medicines and their possible side effects can affect individual people in different ways. The following are some of the side effects that are known to be associated with this medicine.

• Headache
• Disturbed sleep
• Shaking, usually of the hands (tremor)
• Visual disturbances
• Balance problems involving the inner ear (vertigo)
• Pins and needles (paraesthesia)
• Awareness of your heartbeat (palpitations)
• Changes in blood pressure
• Sleepiness (somnolence)
• Weakness or loss of strength (asthenia)
• Chest pain
• Skin reactions such as rash and itch
• Disturbances of the gut such as nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea or abdominal pain
• Psychiatric reactions such as depression, mood changes, anxiety, confusion, hallucinations, panic attacks, restlessness, forgetfulness, psychosis, paranoia, emotional instability, aggression and agitation (see warnings above)
• Fits (convulsions)
• Dizziness

Sounds like the average hangover to me! I will let you know how I get on. If you see me shaking and bawling my eyes out uncontrollably, please send me home!
You cant pay for this kind of entertainment. I told you living in deepest, darkest Africa was fun.

You convinced yet? Apply within:

Traffic is horrendous. It isn’t bad driving but I think that’s only because there is too much of it to travel at any speed. It really can take an hour to travel 10 or 15 kilometres, perhaps longer. You also don’t really want to be getting out of your car and venturing around on your own so it seems. So the rule is, give yourself 2 hours to get ANYWHERE no matter how far or close you think it is. That in mind, it took about an hour and a half to get to the hotel from the airport.

The project documentation prior arrival did state, “Exercise extreme patience at all times” and that is what I am going to have to do. It’s all good!

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I can tell Africa is going to be a challenge. In my fairytale dream of returning to the mother continent, I guess I had forgotten the trials and tribulations of working here. Things take longer. Things are more expensive. Things make less sense. Things require less logical input. All that aside, It’s great to be back.

So I am onto day two of my new adventure and so far I am loving it. There are loads of South Africans out here and it’s strange to be sitting here in the bar and writing now listening to all the accents. It is great. It is feeling like home.

I am tired though. It’s been crazy. I think I may just have a glass of wine and hit the sack. I need sleep.

I’m home! Back in Africa!

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Welcome back to Africa Hoox. It’s good to have you back on the mother continent.

It really was quite the journey. Not as hectic as other trips I have been through but still quite hectic enough. I always get a bit flustered nearing departure time. Do I have everything? What have I forgotten? Tickets, Passport, Wallet, check, check, check! Ok. What time is it? When’s the taxi getting here. etc etc.

Shaz had very kindly remembered that a taxi was required. She had called the night before to make a booking. She then saw that I was stressing enough, equivalent to that of a small country about to be invaded, that she called and cancelled the taxi and offered to take me in her car. She is such a darling! And I would actually like to take this opportunity to thank Shaz so much. She is the best roomy anyone could ever ask for. SO easy going and accommodating and generous and giving. Nothing stresses her. So Shaz, thank you so very much for having me to stay. I look forward to our next catchup! Where in the world? Ok so back to me stressing. Once we were in the car I kind of sunk into quiet contemplation mode. Do I have everything? It’s now too late if I don’t.

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Today is the 1st day of the rest of my life. The rest of my new life. My life back in Africa. Today I fly to Angola.

I was previously supposed to go to Houston for 3 - 4 weeks. Of course that all changed. As I said before, the only thing that remains constant with these people is the rate of change. So all that said, I should now be in Angola for 3 weeks, then passing through South Africa briefly on my way to Houston for 3 - 4 weeks than back to Angola.

My flight schedule so far is as follows:

London - Lisbon - Luanda
Luanda - Johannesburg - Washington DC - Houston
Houston - Paris - Luanda

I’m really glad that I can sleep on planes. The beauty is that most of it is business class and I am cranking up those airmiles!

It is going to be tough for me to write consistently as I have no idea what the internet connectivity is going to be like out there. Well that’s kinda why I’m going out there, to set up the internet.

Now I have to get my ass into gear as I have 2 hours before the taxi arrives to whisk me away to Heathrow airport.

This is what I dreamed of. This is what I wished and worked damn hard for. I am going to make sure that it is going to be all that it’s cracked up to be.

See you in Africa…

My time in London has been incredibly hectic but somehow (and by no fault of my own) things actually seem to timing out quite well with things just falling into place. When some people cant go out, others can, when no-one can go out I have a chance to recover. During the day while people are working I get to sort out my entire life in London that has been neglected for a while. I have actually managed to round up all my gear which now has to go to storage. It’s been a long time coming.

I actually feel that by the time I leave, whenever that will be, I will be sorted and wont have to worry about mates holding onto gear for me.

On a very important note, thank’s for all the “complaints” that I haven’t written much lately. I guess it means you care. Either that or are so bored most days that you have nothing better to do than read OffTheHoox. Either way I am very sorry. It has been very hectic as I have mentioned a few times already and really there isn’t much exciting news other than moving from one drunken night and followed hangover to another.

I have to go drop a mates car off now and then get ready for tonight’s session. I hope it’s a fairly quiet one. I’m not sure if my liver, kidneys, stomach, sphincter can take much more of this abuse.

Come on SOHO! Sure it’s going to be a quiet one!

London has been good fun so far. As much as I miss my friends in Albania it is really good to see my mates in London. It has been a time of going out, drinking loads and eating good quality food regularly. It feels somewhat strange to be back here though. Back on the tubes, back on busses and back walking up and down the high streets.

London truly is an incredible city. Not necessarily one that I would want to return to full time again anytime soon. It was quite funny though, I received an email from my bosses over the weekend basically thanking me for the work I did out in Albania and one line really struck home as very amusing, “have you ever considered  working in a developed country?  Iraq, Albania and now Angola – you are probably pretty high on the list of current [insert company name] marines“.

I love what I do but saying that, it is also great to come back into town again and have a break every once in a while. This year is going to be full of travel but for now…

Go London!

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Hectic is all I can say.

It has been nonstop since I got here. Life seems to be blurring between hangovers. But it has been really good. It’s always good to catch up with old mates.

I got in late on Thursday night and went straight to Shazza’s place in Earlsfield as she kindly invited me to stay with her for the duration of my visit in the UK. In typical Hoox style, I never gave her any notice but that backfired cos she wasn’t home. I had to take the taxi around to where she was and drag her out of a dinner party. Sorry Shaz. I got my first Indian takeaway which was delicious!

Friday I hit the road to go pick up all my mail and junk that has been accumulating while I have been away. It was quite the pile but I also received all the kewl stuff and books that I bought for Angola. Yay I got my Samsung D880 Duos. I actually hate Samsung phones but this one can hold two sim cards live at the same time. Quite smart really.

Friday night was a mission. Trying to please different groups of people who live in different sides of London can be tough. So firstly late afternoon I went down south and caught up with Knackers and Mildew while half watching the Sharks beat Western Force in a Super 14 match. Unfortunately I had to spend a bit of time on the phone to Houston explaining issues I am having with passports, tickets and visas. 6pm I was back on the train now heading north of the river to meet up with my wonderful Bean. So good to see her again. She was out with Katerz and some other Swedish mates that I have never seen before. It was all rather nice in a VERY old wine bar cellar place that was packed. Drank way too much and ended up passed out on Bean’s couch way up north on the Jubilee line.

Saturday I did very little. A lot of lazing around. Shaz and I went for a fat fry up at my favourite “greasy spoon”. Trying to get Shaz to sit still for a second is an extreme challenge. I managed to get her to chill for about an hour and then she ran out the door again kicking and screaming. She wasn’t really kicking and screaming but she might as well have been. Saturday night was Loobie’s birthday so we went out in Richmond. Was an awesome night however Knackers and I both asked each other in the morning, “Did we go to a night club and dance last night?” The photos are horrendous. I don’t remember getting home but the lovely Shaz bundled me into a cab and got me home and into bed. So I hear. She is a real sweetie.

Today is Knackers birthday so last night we went out for a few drinks that turned into a bottle of wine and a kickass Thai. I crashed at his and The Puddle-Duck’s place last night. I had to wake up early this morning to get my life in order now.

Today I have to:

• Get my passport submitted for my business visa.
• Check the tickets with the internal travel agent.
• Get my flights bumped up to business class. Thank you!
• Go to the bank at 2 and sort out all my accounts.
• Meet Bean and perhaps Edwardos at 6. Another night on the drink. This cant be healthy.

HIC. See you later….

All Project friends and family

As most of you know, I have handed over the IS&T responsibility to the new IT Manager, [Mr New Guy]. I have all the faith that the systems are in great hands. Please offer him the same kindness and support that you all showed me.

It is with mixed emotions that I say goodbye to you all on the ******** ******* Project.

In some respects I am happy because I get to move onto a project that I have been waiting for for a long time which takes me very close to my home in South Africa. It also brings sadness to think of all the wonderful people that I leave behind. Whenever I think back on a project and talk about it to people I meet, its always the friends that I made while on my adventure that show as most important. The people are what makes a project memorable.

This has been a tough year with many highs and lows but in the end it has become a very successful year. I take with me great experiences both business wise and socially. I have learnt many lessons that I will take to my future assignments.

I am sorry I never managed to see everyone face to face yesterday to say goodbye but my packing took about 7 hours longer than I expected (I expected it to take 30 minutes). I would like to take this opportunity to thank you all for making the project what it is today. Good luck and God bless. Be safe and get this motorway complete to the best of your abilities.

My intension now is to return for either the final tunnel blast or the final opening. I guess I am a sucker for free beer. So I suppose this isn’t goodbye after all, it’s merely “SEE YOU SOON!”

Take care and BE SAFE!

Regards

Hoox

“EX” Project IS&T Manager, ***

***, Albania