OffTheHoox.com

Off to South Africa, via Istanbul, Turkey. The below rant should have no reflection on the airline or destination. Simply a lack of common sense in humanity. Either that or my level of expectation is unrealistic. Or option 3: I just need another holiday!

Hoox Travel Fiasco strikes again. I look around and get so frustrated at such silly things that I guess I have gotten used not seeing while traveling in 1st world countries. If I carry on shaking my head at all the stupidity I see I swear I’m going to shake it right off my shoulders!

I will summarise just as a means to vent:

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• There is a line formed for a reason! - If someone gets there before you they have the right to be served before you! You are no better than anyone even if you do think you are God in your own meaningless little existence! Some guy today actually got into a fight in the check-in line only for the twat to discover once he elbowed his way to the counter that he was in the business class line and was then escorted to the back of the economy line! Justice!
• 3 check-in lines right? Ok. 1 for economy. 2 for business. 250 economy passengers. 3 business class passengers. Make sense? Right! We all wait in line. Well except for the twat in the previous point!
• Security at the airport. I’m not even going to go there cos it’s just THAT stupid. If you have been in a 3rd world airport you will know what I’m talking about.
• The plane is 50 meters from the terminal. There’s 3 of us. We have to wait for a bus.
• Plus 1 - The plane was fairly empty so I got a row to myself on the emergency exit! SCORE.
• Plus 2 - I fell asleep before takeoff. I woke up when my ears popped nearing landing. My flight was effectively 15 minutes.
• As the plane squeaked onto the runway everyone started clapping. I don’t get that. Are they really that thrilled that the captain managed to not crash or what? Is it that infrequent that they get the landing right? Hell you know what? Clap away, as long as we get down safely. Which brings me onto my next point.
• This was the classic. I swear I don’t even think the nose wheel had made contact with the runway yet when people had already started unbuckling and standing up trying to fight against the momentum of a plane with air brakes on to get their luggage out of the overhead compartments. We were probably still tearing down the runway at around 150 Knots / 200 kph and I was going, “please slam on the anchors, please slam on the anchors” just too see these idiots fly down the isle like Harry Potter in his first game of quidditch. Does that make me evil?
• The plane finally gets to its parking bay and the doors open and people climb out and fill the busses. They had 3 busses parked and they filled them from the back first. Think about that. Yeah lets fill bus number 3 first and then make it wait for bus number 2 to fill and then make bus number 2 wait for bus number 1 to fill cos no bus can get past each other cos they parked so damn close together. My head is still shaking.
• Into the immigration line. I’m looking around frantically trying to work sh!t out. There are no signs giving any assistance at all. I was told when I got my ticket that British passports don’t require visas. Then why the hell is the line so busy at the 6 counter visa section. I’m in the immigration line. Do I risk the wait or not? I decide I would rather know sooner than later that I have wasted my time. So I step out of the line and ask some official looking chap. Yup. I need a visa. Mental note to self: “have words with the silly woman at the airline office when I get back”.
• Get my €15 visa and stand back in the line that is now about 300 people longer and moving at half the pace. A deep breath. Wait. Again, people just don’t get the fundamental basics about a queue. Damn it’s annoying. Fortunately I’m not a small bloke so I can stand in the way and block retards who think they are better than everyone else. And I also don’t get offended cos I don’t understand their swearing at me. An ignorant bliss. I just imagine them agreeing with me at the top of their voices and thanking me profusely for showing them the error in their ways.
• PLUS 3 - Because visas and immigration took so long, my bag was waiting for me when I got there. It was busy entertaining itself by taking it’s 45th trip around the carrousel like at a funfair.
• PLUS 4 - I found the airline transit hotel desk easily and they were very helpful. All I had to do was hand them my ticket and go for coffee. 30 minutes later I was zooting through town in the free shuttle bus off to the free hotel that I have been put up in (due to my lengthy stopover) which also has free internet. Score again!

And that was just the summary! It’s now quite late. I am in the hotel. A really nice, clean, smart and comfortable hotel that is costing me the princely sum of SFA (Sweet F All). I really don’t feel like trying to navigate my way around a new city now so I’m just going to get a bit of grub and chill. I will get up early tomorrow and start a bit of touristy stuff. Another kewl thing about the transit hotel setup is that they bus is coming to pick me up at 8pm tomorrow and I don’t have to checkout before then. Thank you Turkish Airlines! You guys rock! I have only had a good and reliable service up to now.

Hoox is a tourist tomorrow. I am pretty excited about that concept again. Like last R&R, I get to see a new city on my way to my vacation. Aint that kewl.