OffTheHoox.com

So much has happened since I last posted anything but I will not list everything cos I really don’t think anyone cares about my itinerary. This should not read like a diary. All I can say is it’s been fantastic to be back in South Africa! I feel like I am home.

Leaving Istanbul was painless. Got on my flight and fell asleep. Maybe I suffer from a undiscovered variant of Narcolepsy called Aviation Narcolepsy which slips me into a coma as soon as my body acknowledges the seatbelt click. If that is the case then it’s a wonderful strain of this otherwise not very nice disease and I only wish it could be contagious as I would try to spread it around. My flight from Turkey to SA effectively lasted about 45 minutes for me.

Walking through Johannesburg International Airport (Oliver R Thambo Airport as it’s now been renamed) was incredible. A bit fat smiling immigration officer, effective baggage carrousel, more smiles at customs, walking outside into beautiful sunshine and picking up a hire care that was ready waiting for me (thanks AH). I got on the brilliant 4 lane highway and without crazy drivers or hectic traffic I shot my way through to the northern suburbs at 140 jiving to Roxette on the radio (Highveld Stereo). My God I felt like crying. I was finally home!

(Click for more)

Read the rest of this entry »

Sleeping in is one of the best positive factors of being on holiday. I’m not one of these people that feel the desperate need to get out and about and make the most of every second. Sleeping, to me, IS making the most of every second. I love sleep!

Perhaps I overslept a little which is why I am a few days late for TT. I am on holiday so please allow me a few day’s grace. Besides, I have the ability to backdate. Which is exactly what I’m going to do. You see, I’m on time!

(Click for more - Certainly NSFW)

Read the rest of this entry »

I’m packed. I’m waiting for my bus at the hotel to take me to the airport. I have no idea what to expect at the airport so I am writing now to say AFRICA, SEE YOU SOON!

It’s likely I will not be online for a little while. I have so much to do and so many people I have to see and all in a very short space of time! So if you don’t hear from me I promise you I have not been eaten by a lion! Fuck I hope I don’t get eaten by a lion now! How embarrassing would that be?

I hope the chief of my tribe allows me the use of his new kom-pu-ta and interweb theeng so that I can get online. It’s all very new to my tribe so they limit access quite a bit. Lets hope them drums are beating and them pigeons are flapping… That way I will stay in touch!

Take care until the next time I get online (which could be now at the airport - hahaha).

Bon Voyage Me!

XXX

After a relaxing night in my hotel bed I decided to get up SOOO early to be the tourist that I declared I would be today. So I set my alarm for 8am and was outside by 9am. Shut up I’m on holiday!

I spoke to our “concierge” (a term I use loosely cos he was an idiot), asking him how I got to Topkapi Palace and Ayesofya etc and he said, “yes sir you can go outside, get the tram and be a tourist”. I can go outside, get the tram and be a tourist?? Hahaha. I didn’t even bother further. I knew I wasn’t going to get anywhere.

I walked up half a block and walked into the Ramada Hotel and went directly to their concierge like I owned the place. He was very helpful with maps and everything. Off I was, outside, on the tram and being a tourist. I guess the first guy was right. That’s all I had to do.

(Click for more)

Read the rest of this entry »

Off to South Africa, via Istanbul, Turkey. The below rant should have no reflection on the airline or destination. Simply a lack of common sense in humanity. Either that or my level of expectation is unrealistic. Or option 3: I just need another holiday!

Hoox Travel Fiasco strikes again. I look around and get so frustrated at such silly things that I guess I have gotten used not seeing while traveling in 1st world countries. If I carry on shaking my head at all the stupidity I see I swear I’m going to shake it right off my shoulders!

I will summarise just as a means to vent:

(Click for more)

Read the rest of this entry »

Vacation is a term used in English-speaking North America to describe a lengthy time away from work or school, a trip abroad, or simply a pleasure trip away from home, such as a trip to the beach that lasts several days or longer. In the rest of the English-speaking world the word holiday is used

Keeping up with my promise of Titillating Tuesday, here is the 2nd issue of what I hope to be a long and successful series.

In line with current events, today is the day that I get on that big paraffin budgie in the sky (747) and blast my way out of here for destination South Africa. My holiday has come around again and by God I’m looking forward to it!

(Click for more - Certainly NSFW)

Read the rest of this entry »

Tomorrow is the day! My R&R (holiday / vacation) comes around again. Everyone keeps asking me, “But weren’t you only just away in the USA?”. The answer is YES I WAS! However what people fail to remember is that I was here for a full 5 months without any time off the first time around. This is just part of the catchup. Before final departure!

Time is going to be very rushed. What with flight complication out of Albania through Turkey on Turkish Airlines, I have a 29 hour layover in Istanbul. I was a bit bleak to say the least at first but after chatting with a guy here that lived in Istanbul for some time, I will be spending the day checking out some great sites which he strongly recommended! Better than hanging out in a free hotel room (as supplied by the airline) I guess.

The following day at just before midnight I get back on the plane and fly due south! Damn it’s going to be good back in Africa. I am going to be in Johannesburg briefly, Cape Town for about the same length of time, Port Elizabeth to renew my pilots license and then back to Cape Town for a while where I will be able to chill. Then hopefully off to Durban for a whistle-stop on route back to Johannesburg in order get back on that big paraffin budgie in the sky (747) and blast my way out of here for destination Albania.

I can’t wait. Some fun in the sun and good food and great drinks with awesome people. Now that’s what a holiday is all about!

All has been going pretty well the last few days / nights / week I must admit. Yesterday had been a pretty successful day especially and I had just received a bit of good news regarding future work placements (TBA) among other kewl things that were going on. I love how my frame of mind changes into all things positive (ie. don’t give a sh!t) when I’m so close to R&R)

Then it all kicked off. An electrical storm from hell. I looked out the window of my little plastic apartment block only to be blinded by a completely unexpected bolt of lightning in my face. I swear it was like something from He-Man when Castle Greyskull gets nailed by that lighting that He-Man throws around from his sword hitting everything in sight including his poor little cat!

Wow I thought. Wow indeed. When the green spots had subsided slightly I looked back at my laptop and my Internet Explorer flashed up, “Page cannot be displayed”. My heart sunk. It’s amazing how religious I get when it kicks off like this. “Dear Lord please don’t have hit my satellite dish with your fury. I know who you are looking for but he is about 70 meters NE of the dish in accommodation block D, 6th floor, room 66. Please don’t tell that heathen bastard I dobbed him in cos if you miss again I still have to work with him tomorrow. Thanks. Now can you bring my network back when you are done?”

I waited and waited for the fury to subside. It did eventually about 2-3 hours later. I checked the connection. Dead. Hmmmm. I phoned the service provider who confirmed extreme weather in the area. I could have told them that but I wasn’t all that excited about getting into an argument at 3am. You see I must be in a better frame of mind.

I woke up at 6am to beat the rush into the office. I get in. Network still dead! That kinda set the tone for the day. Not a great start!

Cut a long story short (yeah right) I had to work for my salary today. All’s well that ends well I guess. If it hadn’t you wouldn’t be reading this now. On the plus side, if it was still down, I might have been on that jet plane outa here a little sooner than expected. Another potential win.

As seen on street corners, in shop windows, at news agents all over town.

I sense some hostility that needs to be addresses before it gets too late.

Proposed solution: The Albanian authorities should meet the Scottish authorities on an even playing field. Common ground for both parties should be considered. One suggestion could be a secluded Egyptian beach or a fancy restaurant in Cairo?

The reward can be decided and taken care of by these authorities.

~Melaz / WG … You two need to sort this out in private! Just a suggestion!

As per request of our very own Willie G

I’m not entirely sure what he means by this?

Willie?

As always, Cyanide and Happiness courtesy of Explosm.net