This camp has been hit with a major flu outbreak. So far 75 people have been diagnosed with flu just this afternoon. I am one of them. Yes, you know how I am feeling, and yes, you know that I think I’m going to die. I have since lost my voice, ability to think straight or swallow and I’m in a really shitty mood. Pray for me! We think it’s Avian Flu.
Anyway I did a bit of research and it turns out that it is a strain of the flu called Avian Flu and, although it’s not their fault, it’s named such because it is passed on by birds. Birds are the carriers. Quite simple really.
So effectively immediately I am banning almost all Wednesday night group snogging, groping and other “silly buggers (messin’ around)”. This will be reassessed when the healing begins.
(Click for more:)
Effective immediately:
- Bloke on bird snogging, groping and other “silly buggers” is banned unless I give the green light. We need to curb the spread of this epidemic. As sad as it is and the fact that we may suffer incredibly, it really is for the good of the general population. Please see me for further information and screening.
- Bloke on bloke snogging, groping and other “silly buggers” is completely banned until further notice and beyond. That one never really took off as a popular event anyhow. Well, not with everyone anyway.
- Bird on bird snogging, groping and other “silly buggers” may continue as scheduled and can possibly even pick up the frequency in the schedule to take up slack created by the other bans. I feel that since they are not actually getting effected and are only the carriers of this Bird Flu, there is no need to make any ridiculous and harsh knee-jerk reaction decisions. I will continue to monitor very closely the bird on bird action and will reassess when I feel the situation should change. If you have any proof of this going on then please inform me immediately with photos so I can record it in the proper way!
I was offered a “striptease” by a gorgeous blonde on site this afternoon and naturally I had to agree because it is proven* that a good striptease can remove or at least severely reduce the worst ailments and since there would be no physical contact unless deemed safe, I could have started my very important research! I suddenly felt perkier as the idea was certainly uplifting. My dying symptoms returned when she showed up with a “Strepsil”. You gotta love a language barrier!
I thank you all for your understanding and due diligence in this matter.
I could be down for a while. For now, I’m just going to crawl into a little ball and die.
*proven by Dr Hoox in his own little lab in his own little dream world.
Shame HooX…hope you feel better soon!
“I have since lost my voice, ability to think straight or swallow and I’m in a really shitty mood.”
I don’t think you have flu. It sounds more like a hybrid of laryngitis and PMT.
Hope you feel better soon. The only consolation is that your recovery will be much quicker than any smoker’s.
WG
You are not allowed to die! Listen to me Hoox you can’t die.. you can’t….At least not now that we almost agreed on various levels of Avian flu banning. I say almost since I think you should reconsider the ban on “Bloke on bird snogging, groping and other “silly buggers”…I wish you a speedy recovery for many reasons: start working again, being useful, increasing the number of recovered people from the horrible disease, and of course me getting my sexy pictures back asap….Hugs ….
Lou - Thanks sweets. It really is doing the rounds! People are dropping like birds!
WG - You are a brave bastard WG. But I tend to agree with you. I have the same look and snappy attitude as the female of our species from time to time.
Melaz - OK OK. I won’t die! Damn girl it was just an idea ok!
. Like I said sweetie, Bloke on bird is offlimits to everyone unless I have tested the birds and found them to be non-carriers. I will take that chance for the good of my community! I know. A saint I am! St Hoox. And I am working again. Struggling through it all!
Oh and by the way. The Doc A has your pics and mem stick since Sunday!
Well, ok than St Hoox…Did not know you’re an altruist and a generous man….Thought you’re only a fun drunk…hahaha. Anyways, i’m sure there aren’t many birds hangging out there so the testing won’t be too hard on you. But in case they were to be please do not consider a convinience sampling, since the likelihood of bias is high and can’t result in any meaningful conclusion for your community….
Mate,
It’s easy for me to be brave, I’m at least 100 Km and 6 weeks from the nearest female.
Regards
WG
PS Notice a similarity between this flue and mad cow desease?
Melaz - Any sampling will be made by acceptance of the tester (ie me) only. And I must admit that perhaps there will be a bit of bias but that’s only natural. All I get is complaints and all I’m trying to do is look after the community. Are you a carrier? Have you been tested yet?
WG - That’s true. Cairo is a far stretch from camp isn’t it? At least mad cow disease was fun. We didn’t have to test cos we could just sit back and laugh at the cows.
Hoox- Not that i am aware of and I have absolutely no desire to be tested by an infected tester….
Melaz - Hahaha. You have a good point. Perhaps I was going to recommend you to another tester closer to you?
Doctor Hoox…you Never give up heeh….Incredible….I can certanly go on and on but better stopping here…ok…
Hehehehe… Consider it stopped!
Have a smashing day! <- That’s a good thing by the way. Hehe
this time 4 pray 2 God
amiiin