Warning: Just another long bitching session!
These “rooms” (or cells) in this accommodation camp of Reps that we are supposed to occupy (or be held captive in) are designed to brilliant Turkish/Albanian standards. ie they suck, they are cheap, they are nasty and the shit just don’t work.
Firstly they are 3m x 3m. I’m pretty sure inmates have more space in Guantanamo. There is one stupid power outlet far from anything that is supposed to power all of our appliances. Oh yeah, that’s right, there are no appliances. There is no air-conditioning (rooms are soon to become saunas), no fridge, no fan, no iron no SFA (Sweet F*** All). Oh and because half of another camp of ours burned down for “no apparent reason” 4 weeks ago, we are not allowed to get anything that requires power. But even if we were allowed, the walls are paper thin plastic so the noises of people listening to music or watching TV will certainly be an issue. You can literally hear someone taking a dump 4 rooms away.
Bathroom activities are a treat! There is no place to put anything. I am a male so I honestly don’t pack a lot of products. Some shaving gear, tooth brushes, toothpaste, deo’s and one or two other bits and pieces. Nothing extravagant. My toiletry bag needs to go on top of the water boiler that sits in the corner of this stupid little bathroom. When I try and splash my face so I can shave I end up head-butting the stupid cheap-ass mirror that sticks out 10cm from the wall on a stupid cheap-ass 50c plastic frame and then knocking off all my stuff from the stupid cheap-ass 25c plastic shelf that I think was already breaking before I moved in. I am the first occupant of this “the new room”.
The toilet wobbles all over the place and I’m scared to move too much when I’m sitting just in case I bust the U-Bend and have “stuff” running all over the bathroom floor. The toilet paper is great through! But the again it’s difficult to cock that one up.
Showers. Hmmm. It seems there is a slight problem with the design of the showers. Well so I thought anyway. I was very careful the first morning to use the shower curtain smartly (which is a “convenient” 30cm too long) so that I didn’t get water on the floor. To my dismay, I ended up flooding the bathroom. All is not lost since there is a drain on one side of the bathroom floor obviously to accept any extra water on the floor. Unfortunately these brilliant Turkish/Albanian contractors haven’t learnt the theory of gravity and the fact that “shit floats downhill” because the water is accumulating at the opposite side of the floor from the drain. Splashing the water back up the floor to the drain with my foot I was concerned and disappointed that I had forgotten how to shower carefully. Until I looked at the design. The bit where you stand to shower is a raised solid box style platform which simply rests on the floor but it didn’t have any sealant where it is pushed up against the walls. Bingo. The water was running down the wall and under the platform and onto the floor. MAINTENANCE! Sealant applied. Problem solved.
I was happy to take my next shower the following morning knowing that my bathroom wouldn’t require Noah to bail me out at the last minute. I stepped out the shower into a massive puddle of water. How wrong could I have been? What was this? Brilliant Turkish/Albanian workmanship when applying the sealant? Me with my “trained eye” (wild look around) took closer inspection at the whole conundrum. Well smack me stupid and call me Martha! The damn plug hole in this raised platform in the shower is simply a HOLE. There is no plumbing attached. It is DESIGNED to run directly onto the floor. Which of course would have been a semi-acceptable situation if they had just…. FOLLOWED THE SIMPLE FUCKING LAW OF GRAVITY!!! SHIT FLOWS DOWNHILL!
It seems I am not alone. Everyone has the same gripes and the people that you can complain to are non-existent. Concerns fall on deaf ears.
I am yet to try out the non-existent laundry service. I had better make a plan soon since I am fast running out of bloogers! Watch out for THAT bitching session.
Breathe out… Back to work!
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