Every once in a while, things that give you the most grief sometimes just need a good kicking. Try avoid this solution if what is annoying you is a human being. They tend to kick back or sue. Oh I hate violence, unless it’s called for.
I had a major blowout session this afternoon with “my opposite” here.
It has been an interesting time since the Easter weekend. I have taken some time aside for myself and just been normal. Well I’ve tried to be normal in my given environment. I have taken it pretty easy. Ups and downs. I have met some good people that I can talk to. Good conversations. Only 1 or 2 late nights scattered here and there and the other times I have tried to eat healthily, walk a lot, spend time outside of the office or hotel room (although what with the pollution I don’t know how much good that does) and just enjoyed the sunshine. I managed to take some walks around town and I even discovered a lake around the back end of town. Sadly it has been neglected like everything else but it’s still feels good to be close to water and sit on nice green grass amongst some trees. I have gone there a few times just to chill.
It has also allowed some time to think and reflect on myself, my life, what I’m doing, where I’m going and most importantly, who I am. I am not going to try and convince anyone that I have come even close to any answers but still I feel the questions are good. I haven’t got a clue. I think what has knocked me off the rails over the last few years is the complete instability of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love this lifestyle. It’s just that I think it could possibly be better if I could settle into it. Every assignment I have been on has been a temporary stay only to be extended without a confirmed end date. Meeting people with the knowledge that departure is soon so I don’t give it my all. No place ever becomes a regular mailing address. I want my next assignment to be the one. The one that I can call my own and be there for a good 3-5 years and then hang up my passport. I should be on it now but politics changed that. Nature of the business. That’s something to worry about in the near future.
For now I need to focus my energy. There are people in my world that need my help. No details I’m afraid. It’s personal. I must be here. I must be strong. I must be here for them. Time to give back.
I have time here where I will be out in the sticks with some real fresh air to sort my crap out later hopefully!
Sometimes it just takes a good swift kicking to make you wake up and see things around you.
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