OffTheHoox.com

…Albanian??? That’s out of the question!

Yesterday they started the process of applying for Albanian residency for me.

That’s a bad sign.

I’m scared.

Mommy!

Sometimes this place feels like hell.

“I’m a nobody, get me out of here”

I know I come across as quite negative about a lot of sh!t but that’s only because there is a lot of negative sh!t to come across about. It’s nothing really major. There’s no one thing so far that has made me want to jack this place in and blow this popcorn stand. It’s a multitude of really irritating little things that build up over time until one day you realise you are about to go Charles Manson on the place.

Take my hotel for instance. I have been living in that pokey room since the 13th of February and I’m about to go banjo! I really miss the opportunity to fall asleep on the sofa watching crappy TV on a Saturday afternoon. The room has two electrical wall sockets in very inconvenient places so I have to keep swapping stuff and stretching cables. It’s a twin room. Two single beds. I prefer a double. It has a stupid mini bar which obviously costs the earth as they do. I even had to buy my own kettle and water to make pot noodles (bachelor gourmet). Now this is what really got me yesterday. I have been a resident of this dump for almost three months and last night when I went to gym (no comments smart asses) which they advertise being part of their facilities, I was told that I now have to pay for a gym membership. €50 per month. It’s probably not a lot of money as gym rates go (I wouldn’t know) but what about the principle? I very calmly questioned the reason for this and I was told that it was the hotel director that has introduced this since we are long term residents and have favourable rates. I was proud of myself since I didn’t spark at the messenger and I simply said, “Thank you, I will take this up with him in the morning” and proceeded to work out and use the sauna. I asked for the director this morning but he wasn’t available. Let’s see if he calls me as per the polite message I left for him. So far, nothing. Wanker!

Work is getting to me as well now. I am due R&R soon but we still don’t know when we are supposed to be moving to the camp of Reps. There are too many conflicting stories. The guy responsible for building the camp is saying that it’s ready for us to relocate but everyone that visits returns with completely different views. To be honest, I don’t really give a monkey’s ass when we go but I would merely appreciate a fixed sensible realistic date so I can plan accordingly. Since the idea is that we could move in a week, I cannot go on holiday that I’m due as I have to be here for the move. If this does drag out now until the end of May then I’m screwed. I won’t be able to go on holiday for at least 3 weeks after the move while dealing with teething problems which are likely to occur. So the way I see it now is, I am going to be here for 17-18 weeks without a break. If someone would just make the call and admit that we will not move until the end of May then I can go on my R&R before then.

I’m doing my head in and not even the beer is making it go away at night! Need whiskey! Damn, I don’t drink whisky. Need vodka and rum!

Great weekend! What made it a great weekend:

• Not in Reps
• No work
• Not in Reps
• A good hot shower
• Not in Reps
• Good food
• Not in Reps
• Great people
• Not in Reps
• Great party
• Not in Reps
• JagerBombs
• Not in Reps
• A really long lazy lie in on Sunday
• Not in Reps

I also managed to bust the myth: “Australians don’t drink Fosters, we simply export the shit as our sick joke on the world”. Did I mention Spoonz was an Aussie?

This is fast becoming the theme song for this project.

“I am not an alcoholic, I’m a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings!”

So many beers, so little time. There is a reason for it and good ol’ Marky Mark in Yibbly Dibbly land explained it to me….

“So you hate your job? Why didnt you say so? There is a club for people like you. Its called EVERYBODY - and we usually meet at the bar”

I usually don’t appreciate saffers verbally abusing their own countrymen in times of failure. However, when you get choice banter like this it becomes too hard to resist.

For those who don’t know, the Protea is South Africa’s national flower. It also happens to be the name of South Africa’s brilliant national cricket team, who, in case you didn’t understand yesterday, just choked in the world cup.

This is sheer brilliance! Thank you Snappy in Atlanta, GA. For those who do not get it, click on the second image and look up the word Poes! Actually, Wiki has a great list of all South Africanisms.

Before

After

Hopefully this will be the last time that I have to talk about our cricket effort in this world cup.

Bring on the rugby! Springbokke!!!

A damn sad state of affairs it must be said that we got absolutely whipped senseless by those gloating Aussie bastards. If it were any other nation I would be quick to congratulate them with a tear in my eye. I am just thankful that there isn’t an Australian for MILES out here. Some blessing about being in a sh!thole.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not a bigot Aussie hating basher. Much. I just don’t like an Aussie “rub-it-your-face” winner. I have a lot of time and respect for Australians with the exception of when they are beating us at any sport whatsoever. They may make be a bad loser but I don’t care. Yibbly Dibbly!

They are good, they know it, and show it.

Right I’m going to try now and take a leap of faith and go against my norm. “Congratulations Australia, you played the part of a winning team”

Why the hell does South Africa always choke in the Cricket WC semi final? Can we not toss an earlier game when we can afford to lose one? We play like champs and smash opponents around the park when it doesn’t really matter.

F*ck it. I’m going for beer.

Goodnight

There…
is…
only…
one…
idea…
…for
…the
…weekend

With
only
one
desired
result

NO PRESSURE

It’s turning out to be a sad day indeed for South African cricket supporters. To be quite honest I haven’t been keeping up to speed on the World Cup just as much as I should but I blame that completely on Albanian television and their lack of interest in cricket.

Just checking online now on Cricket365.com is looking like a sad, sad state of affairs

122 for 8 after 36.6 overs. Not a very good place to be.

The Aussies are quite obviously delighted about their current situation.

As a typical South African I may be sounding a little cynical. We have been known to come back and sort the Aussies out in the second innings!

Pray hard.

To be continued later …