I said for a long time this will be the theme song for my assignment completion!
Today Im in the air en-route to SA. It’s over! Its time!
Green Day ~ Wake Me Up When September Ends
Monthly Archives: September 2006
Its Official
Ladies and Gentleman, Girls and Boys, Esteemed Leaders,
“I would like to thank you all for for coming tonight and especially for granting me this prestigious and time honoured award. I would like to thank my agent, and and and …… “
Yaaawwwwnnn….
Thanks to everyone for the nice comments and kind words.
Its been real, its been long, its been great. Its now all over.
Till next time, Goodnight
iDiot
To cut a bit of history out, let me just say that apparently the 1st generation iPod Nano warranty doesn’t cover the unit being squashed by a lead weight when you drop a bullet proof vest on it carelessly. But that’s a whole nother story. A replacement was the only way to go. I figured it may have been cheaper in Dubai airport when passing through but then what was the point of sitting on a flight with a new iPod and no tunes! I needed a solution and I needed a solution fast!
Last night, after 13.5 seconds of “rational” thought, I decided that my only other option was going downtown Q8 city to the Marina Mall where there is a nice shiny new Apple Store. I was quite impressed to see they had the new 8GB model in black aluminium just as I wanted. Goodie! I got myself a nice black matching case to protect this one but hopefully it wont have to endure me being a numpty and dropping lead weights on it. I was all excited with my new toy and just couldn’t wait to get back to the hotel and charge it up and start transferring music. I made one other purchase in the mall (I only mention that to explain that I had 2 bags with me now) and we (me and Jeffy J) were off outside and hailing a cab. Driving in Q8 is nothing short of a life (or close to death) experience so by the time we got back through through traffic to the hotel, we were quite glad to be home and hopped out of the cab in a hurry with cars behind us honking and carrying on. I got to the security check point and put my bags through the x-ray machine and was trying to show the very confused looking guard what an iPod looks like on x-ray only to discover that the iPod wasn’t there!!! I had left it in the cab. In my haste I had only grabbed 1 bag. DOH!
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I rushed outside with all intention of doing one of those Hollywood manoeuvres throwing myself over the hood of the car demanding that the driver stop in the name of all things Apple but to my dismay the driver who took an hour to get 20km had suddenly found his accelerator and made a lightning dash for it out the parking lot and into the wild wild… middle-eastern traffic. I was gutted! I rushed back to the valet parking attendants and security and asked if anyone has witnessed the despicable devious act of iPod theft abandonment. Alas no-one had. Except one really smart valet chap, for absolutely no reason what so ever had written down the phone number that was on the cab. We had a lead! Our cunning Arabic speaking security called up the number and low and behold, NOTHING. The company has a fleet of 250 cars and no radio communication. What? You are shitting me?? Dead end.
The same cunning Arabic speaking security guard had a wonderful thought to check the security camera footage of the driveway. Wicked! We were going to nab this getaway driver once and for all. After 45 minutes sitting in the lobby looking like someone had just run over my puppy, the guard came up and said that unfortunately he couldn’t make out the cab ID number on the footage. Hmmm fat lot of good that did us. Just at the moment that I had given up all hope, the duty manager said they had managed to get in touch with the cab and he was going to bring it back soon.
WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BUT. There was a catch! There always is isn’t there? He was actually going to charge me KD3 (Q8i Dinars), which is about $10, taxi fare to bring it back, was this ok?? Hell Yeah!! I said to the duty manager that I would give him 3 x that just as a thank you for the honesty and willingness to return a KD100 iPod for KD3. Now the whole time I hadn’t mentioned that it was in fact an iPod, instead I just said it was a shopping bag. I gave the KD10 to the duty manager and asked him to settle up with the cab when he arrived and have my package sent up to my room. I get this call about an hour later saying “Sir, the taxi has arrived and we have paid him. Your shirt is being sent up to your room now”.
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It was the wrong cab. It was the wrong package. It was just wrong wrong wrong.
I hear giggling on the phone and then the duty manager says “Sir, I’m only kidding. Your iPod is on the way up”
WHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There’s a knock on my door and all excited I rush to open up and be reunited with my new little toy and I hand over a KD1 tip to the bellhop at the door and he handed me my iPod and KD6???? “What’s this?” I asked. He told me the driver refused to accept a tip for his honesty and would only take KD4 for the cab fare. He even apologised that it wasn’t the KD3 that he had quoted but it was because he got held up in traffic again.
My faith in society and human common decency was raised a notch last night.
Ramadan Kareem to you oh good thing of taxi drivers. I wish there were more of you in this world!!
Today is dedicated to my iPod, my buddy, my PAL!
Farewell IRQ8
So long ~ Farewell
I finally have my marching orders. My time has come. By the time I board the aircraft at Q8 International Airport at 23:00 on the 29 September 2006, I will have been in and around IRQ and Q8 for exactly 11.5 months. Just short of one year. That isn’t bad since I came out here on a “short term – guaranteed – 3 month – no longer – no extension” contract. The past year has been the craziest year of my life. I look back and reflect on it and reminisce on all the adventures and feelings this year has offered. It has had it’s ultimate shares of ups and downs, fears and laughter, war and love, hangovers and sobriety, happiness and sadness, anger and peace. I am including some pictures which will unfortunately act as nothing more than a few unspoken snapshots in time and that’s a pity as each image has an entire story to tell.
When people ask what it’s like living in a warzone, there are many answers. Here are just a few:
- It’s scarier than hell. You can see, feel, hear and smell death daily
- It is the most fun you could have with a bullet proof vest on
- A great opportunity to ride in a Black Hawk and Puma
- The biggest and most intense party imaginable
- The best environment to meet the best people
- Incredibly challenging and equally rewarding
- I don’t know, show me the warzone
- The loneliest place on the planet
- Lucrative
- Humbling
I started my tour looking after a hectic little site in a nasty little neighbourhood called Daura in southwest Badgag. I cannot count the sleepless nights we had there with all the gunfire and car bombings that occurred at all hours. We learnt very fast to rely on the rapid response times from the US Military and Apache cover support. In a way that was very good because in such an intense environment you become detached, desensitised and complacent very quickly which allows you to get on with the work at hand. The job was incredible though with many a late night and stressful tasks. It is a hell of a learning curve when you are only 5km away from backup support but that’s as good as a million miles. You are on your own. Travel was kept to a bare minimum. Road moves were hell.
When Daura closed down, I was assigned the responsibility of the IT systems in the International Zone camp. This was a challenge. To come into an environment where people have lived together in these conditions for many years, you feel like a bit of an outsider. But not for long! These people could work damn hard and party even harder. So you get kept up some nights or confined to your offices some days because our neighbours are throwing mortars over the Tigris and into the Green Zone, but the requirement for road movement is minimised so you trade one for the other. There is always time for a social when you mix such a kewl bunch of people in one little camp with no choice but to stay in. There were regular get-togethers which are difficult to avoid because you really didn’t have anywhere else to go. Towards the last few months the inevitable happens, and some of the farewells were gutting to say the least, but as they say, all good things must come to an end. It was also time for celebration as these people were able to say farewell, look back on wonderful times and make it back to their families in one piece.
I completed my assignment in BadRash as the IT Manager of this entire shebang and if nothing else, it was hectic! Trying to close out 6 sites over 4 countries and 2 continents is nothing short of a mission. But it was amazingly challenging and certainly career building. I look back over the entire adventure with a huge smile, great feeling of pride and accomplishment and certainly zero regrets. While I was going through the photos for this post I also had cringing feelings, hysterical laughter, moments of reflection and feelings of goodwill. I made many very good friends out here and one in particular who helped me open my eyes. Ali, a fantastic IRQi who worked for me, who for safety reasons I cannot picture here, showed me through his eyes what is was like to grow up and live in terror. He still manages a smile coming in through checkpoints, risking his life daily and working his butt off without a single complaint for a small wage. We could all learn a thing or two from the Ali’s of this world.
Anyway, my time here is now over. It’s time for my farewell party. For circumstances out of my control, I for once, am not going to be the last man out turning off the lights. It’s time to look forward into the future. Most of all, its MY time to “Go Home!”
~fin~
Andy Warhol
- Undiscovered Art –
As culturally rounded (not fat) as I am, I spend a lot of time browsing the internet for unusual images and artwork which take my mind away from the mental drone of the average day. No, its not ALL porn! Alright so I have been told that yoghurt has more culture than me. I did enjoy the Lion King and Stomp and Lord of the Rings, oh I mean Lord of the Dance, or something, I don’t know.
So yesterday I was checking out places I have been over the years and I stumbled across the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh, PA which I visited in 2001. One piece really caught my eye and has stuck in my head ever since. It was only viewed once for a very special occasion and I was lucky enough to have been there on the day. I feel so close to this piece, almost like I know the subject. There is an eerie familiarity about it. It’s like Deja Vous. Hmmmm Deja Vous? I’ve heard that somewhere before! Fortunately, although at a huge cost, I was able to purchase a digital copy of this fine piece of art and its now mine to own forever. Please note it is heavily copyrighted and no further dissemination is allowed!
Ladies and Gentleman, I am proud to welcome you to this the viewing of Andy Warhol’s secret work of art, named, Two Saffers to Chav’ville. It’s so secret that not even my buddy Andy knows about it! Keep it to yourselves won’t you? Cheers!
Ps. That’s NOT the window of a Thomas Cook plane. It just SEEMS like it! Strange hey?
Medical Insurance … Part II
Next week I’m going back to South Africa for an operation. The procedure I require is an “Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty” to fix a deviated septum and sort my throat and pallet out to cure the Sleep Apnoea from which I suffer from that keeps me from a good night’s rest because I choke in my sleep. It will also stop me snoring. I have KT’s blessing (instruction) for this operation! Just kidding. To be honest, it is quite serious.
I wrote about this little while ago about medical insurances and how pissed I was that they never work out for you when you need them the most because they declined this as an uncovered item.
I would like to correct that statement, if you will allow me, to read like this: “Medical insurance never works out for you when you need them the most, unless you kick up a huge stinking fight with them”. Never give up… APPEAL!
That little introduction was my way of saying, “I WON THE FIGHT”. I said I was going to appeal and by golly I did. I wrote an appeal letter from hell. If nothing else I bored them into submission. I can imagine them all sitting there in their little white coats scratching their heads going, “Damn just pay this guy out. Our hourly rate reading all this is going to cost us more than the operation”.
I will drop a couple of the things I used: (Feel free to use this as a cure for insomnia)
- This appeal follows the denial of cover on a pre-authorisation request. Please review all documents as attached and enclosed with this letter.
- Among the documentation is research material from your own Mayo Clinic, considered the renowned research establishment in the USA stating how serious a condition this can be with it being the cause of up to 60% of deaths in slumber.
- I have also included a small bio on Dr ******* describing who he is in his field and I would also like to add that he is the equivalent of an assistant professor at the world famous Groote Schuur hospital in Cape Town which happens to be the leading ENT research facility in South Africa and also the location of the worlds first heart transplant.
- The review board is either stating that they dispute a leading ENT specialist’s diagnosis without further consultation or that heart failure isn’t serious enough to be covered by any medical at the present time.
- The costs, inclusive of airfare to Cape Town, without unforeseen complications, should not exceed $7000. The later alternative heart failure treatment if survived can run into the 100s of thousands of dollars.
To which I received the following response:
- “After review of the appeal letter and the medical documentation, it has been determined that the Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty surgery will be a covered expense. Benefits will be payable according to the plan provisions and eligibility in effect at the time of service”
Thank you very much Mr Insurance Appeal Advisor Man. Thank you for eventually seeing my point of view. You have finally figured out that even YOU have the right to my opinion!
Thank you to everyone for the support and ammunition!
Now for the pain. 10 – 14 days of utter hell. Sheer unadulterated agony. At least it will have a very positive outcome and if nothing else, I won’t have to sleep on the couch anymore!
To be continued with “before and after” and perhaps some “during” photos…
Happy Birthday KT
Well well well
It’s time for incredible celebration again. A very special birthday is always a great reason to take a break from my sabbatical. Hmmm a break from a break?? (that makes sense to me!)
For those who don’t know already, today is the day that we celebrate the birth day of my lovely KT who graced this planet with her presence some few years ago (it’s rude to mention a girl’s age – or very brave/stupid). I have been blessed with KT’s company for the past 6 months going on 15 years. In these 6 months we have lived what has felt like 3 lifetimes including 1 war, multiple continents, meet the parents, one or two + hangovers, some great holidays, 30000 minutes on a calling card, chavs, airlines, friends, crippling laughs, wholesome fights (debates), happiness, tears, closeness, loneliness, love and the rest of our lives laid out in dreams but to name merely a few. And now 1 birthday. I challenge anyone to experience the same. Its absolutely incredible.
The passion that KT has for what she believes in is unfaultering and an amazing adventure to be part of. Watch her space. You will see her name in big bold print one day saving the world! She is the best friend anyone can ever ask for. Best other stuff too but none of you people will never get to know precisely what I mean! 
Baby, I am so sorry that I cannot be there for your birthday. Today goes down in the books as a yet another crazy function in my life that I get to miss out on. Timing just wasn’t on our side but DAMN it wasn’t for a lack of trying! In my absence I hereby instruct everyone out there to take good care of her and make sure she has a wonderful, exciting, lovely, amazing, happy, crazy, wild and most of all, SAFE party tonight!!
I love you baby and I hope I can make it up to you for the rest of our lives!!!
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Kaaayy Teeeee
Happy birthday to you
(Imagine that was me playing it on the guitar and singing it to you)
(Hmmm on second thoughts probably not – HeHe)
Gone Fishing
~~ Closed for Rehabilitation ~~
Hello all you wonderful people, whoever you may be. Do you really exist out there? Without getting into the philosophical, “do any of us actually exist?” debate, I will continue. I feel that I need to stop writing here for a little while. Things are getting pretty hectic out here in the real world during the closing days of my “Life in IRQ” (which I can’t really talk about a lot) and I feel that I am trying to juggle too much. There is so much to do on a daily basis that I don’t really get a chance to blink let alone think or write and I feel that I’m letting all three of you down. 
This isn’t the end. Not by a long shot! I will still pop in from time to time when I get a chance and waste more of your time by brain-dumping more incoherent drivel for you to wade through. I just need to regroup and concentrate on Reality even though we haven’t spoken in a while. “Reality used to be a friend of mine”. I know, slap me I’m cheesy.
However, all is not lost! You can now spend some time dropping comments and telling me who you are and where you are and what you do and all sorts of good stuff. The comment board is open to all (as always) and you are welcome to drop your 10c worth in there at any time. Just click on COMMENTS above, or for those super lazy like me I have been super helpful and created another super easy link – “CLICK HERE“. I think you get the idea.
As they say in the cartoons – “That’s all folks”
As they say in the movies – “I’ll be back”
As they say in my world – “See ya real soon. Take care. Be good. Be safe!”
Paperwork
The paperless office?
Horseshit!
That was a concept derived by a computer salesman to some Greenpeace activist. It’s not possible! I swear the more we use computers the more we churn out more bullshit paperwork. Lets see this, lets test this, lets get bored and hit print on the same 50 page document 20 times because we all know that doing so will get your print job to the front of the queue faster. Oh and don’t ever bother to go and pick up your print jobs because they will miraculously find their own way to your desk or the bin.
I think the real gripe I have is paperwork in general. So many forms to sign, so much of the same information to spread all over the place, so much precious time wasted. How many times can you possibly imagine that you have signed your name and filled in your address and contact phone numbers? That’s all for where they can send bills and find you around tax time or call you at 3am to try and sell you a stupid phone contract when its quite clear you already “HAVE A PHONE YOU IDIOT!” That’s until it comes to the good paperwork” “Here sign this to accept your promotion”, “Sign here and give us your contact details so we can send you a free car and a boat”, “Write here and tell us where we can send you away on a 5* holiday for free”, or payslips. It dries up very quickly then. All the good stuff is very limited. None of the first shit ever happens and even then the payslips are limited and just proves that you worked your ass off the tax man … AGAIN!
I know we can’t avoid it, but we can certainly try to ease the pain. Only have one bank account, one phone bill, rent in an all inclusive apartment and tell everyone else to go to hell.
And recycle!
Busy Busy Busy
Can you believe there are actually days when I’m too busy to talk? Too busy to bitch? Too busy to rant? Too busy to waffle on about some crap or another? Well these days actually happen. Today is one of them.
They usually start off bad and end worse.
They are days when you just wanna scream.. : LEAVE ME THE F**K ALONE!!!!!
See you tomorrow, hopefully, maybe.
Over and out!
