In a previous post the term chav came up a few times. As per KT’s request I will try my best to explain the world of “chavdom”
Questions:
- What is a chav?
- Does a chav know he/she/it’s a chav?
1. A chav is probably best described as the lowest form of social England. They are a breed of half-human Jerry Springer trailer trash delinquents as young as 8 (Im guessing - it could be younger) with no max age by the looks of it. They can be found hanging around McDonalds, parks, fish and chip shops or tube stations in groups smoking and drinking. They wear imitation brand name tracksuits with boxers or red knickers sticking out the back, football team insignia, mini mini skirts, loads of huge, fake, cheesy jewelry (Bling Bling) and makeup that must have been applied with a spatula. They say things like “innit”, “large”, “oi mate, u fink” and “booya” a lot and can never manage to finish a word or sentence properly (at all). I reckon at least 25% of them are pregnant or onto their 2nd child by the age of 17. A pram (stroller/baby buggy) is an acceptable chav accessory as long as its Burberry with racing stripes and an Adidas, Chelsea, Liverpool or England emblem on it. They are more of a menace to themselves than a menace to society. They are generally found in areas that have an abundance of council housing (low cost welfare apartments) and are spawned from lazy ass teenagers who have extra kids to claim more from the dole (more kids = more drinking money). The slightly flasher (wealthier) ones join scooter gangs and try and kill themselves in traffic. They are only really a problem during school holidays, in groups of 5 or more or when they have a new girl they are trying to impress. If abused by these pricks, a good swift punch to the head normally quietens them down and leaves no markings you can get arrested for (** so I hear). Be careful though, the higher the age and the size of the group, is directly proportional to the likelyhood of you getting the shit kicked out of you cos they fight like pack hounds.
2. After almost choking on my food and blowing rice through my nose trying to hold back hysterical laughter when I was asked that question, I gave it a little bit of thought. Does a chav know he/she/it’s a chav? You know the more I think about it the scarier the answer becomes. I reckon they DO! And worse off, I reckon they LOVE IT! It’s their way of being accepted into their own gutter smut society. It has become a way of life for many of these youths and is the only way to be cool in East and Souteast London! “Ya fink ya fooken luvvin yer missis large innit”. If they are the next ruling generation, God help us all. Take the test below. You never know, you might be a chav and this might answer the question… DID YOU KNOW??
There are loads of very good points of reference detailing all you would ever need to know about being a chav (should you choose that lifestyle for your own).
- Are you a chav? Let me know your score!
- ChavWorld
- ChavScum
- Defining Chav
- Where’s a Chav?
Disclaimer : In case there are any beer swilling, 15+ year old, glue sniffing yobbo’s out there who might get offended, I should probably clear myself of any and all liability. I make no reference to any person, place, shithole estate or type, make or model of scooter. I have never hit anyone (that didn’t deserve it), he may however have headbutted my fist. If you think I’m referring to “your mamma” then you may be wrong. You are probably right but you still MAY be wrong. Oh crap, who am I trying to kid? If you have someone reading this to you because you felt it was cooler to smoke in a bus stop than learn how to read then Im talking about YOU!
Shut up, clean up, grow up, stop being a pathitic source of entertainment and be a useful part of the community!
