It’s not often you can put a monetary value on idiotic manoeuvres but in my case I was able to at least to some degree. Details of the bill will come later.
It was great to be home. It had been a while since I was last around and it just felt good. So good that I wanted to get on the road and just go take a look around. I have long since sold my car and also long since bought a bike. The bike was in the shed and I was ready to get out, only 5 minutes after getting in.
It seems bike batteries don’t last as long as (I believe) they should. Fuel on, ignition on, lights, camera, push starter button and…. nothing! One hell of an anti-climax. Now without knocking Honda too much I think the fact that they “forgot”to put a kick start on the XR250 was just plain stupid. It now resulted in me having to push start an on/offroad bike. Pain in the ass. I had my mate Mullac around (as always when things turn to shit actually – no fault of his), so he was able to lend a pushing hand. Unfortunately on the grass, trying to push start this bitch just resulted in the back wheel locking up and ripping up my nice green turf. It was then decided unanimously (cos I don’t like pointing fingers, at myself) that we should move our efforts to the street.
One or two attempts later and still no go. This is when my overactive genius mind kicked in to play. Mullac has a pick-up, I have long straps in the house. It was tug and tow time! Brilliance. Straps out and hooked up I give Mullac the all clear and what do you know? First attempt, SUCCESS! So I take the bike inside and planned to let it idle for a bit while I got ready to head out. When I kicked the stand down with the bike still in gear, safety kicked in and killed the engine. DOH! Immediately tried the restart to a limp lifeless half-assed splutter turn over and then silence.
MULLAC!!!!! Come back!
Attempt number two was easier that the first because now we weren’t newbies at this. On the road and hey presto, fired into action. Awesome! Bike back in the yard and very carefully set outside the back door, in neutral, on the stand and me inside getting ready. The thump thump thump noise of the bike got irritating so I closed the back door. When I went out 20 minutes later I found a very quiet, not running bike which had clearly stalled and even more clear was the ignition was still on with headlamp burning. Nooooooooo!!! Tried to start it, even though I knew what the reality of it was, DEAD!
MULLAC!!!!! Come back!
Attempt number three was now just a matter of fact. Been there, done that, was wearing the t-shirt of complacency. No helmet, no gloves, no thought! Instead of lining up on the road like we did before I figured that’s just a waste of a few seconds and felt it would be easier to get a head start and just pull me onto the road. Clearly I’m no mathematical genius and forgot to realise that unlike a car, a bike requires balance. Coming off the curb meant the bike, due to the standard forces of nature would lean to the left. In order to counter this, the rider would lean the bike to the right. Equilibrium. Ok, YOU try lean a 80Kg bike to the right when you have a 1.(something) ton 3liter twin cab Toyota pick-up pulling you the left!
I don’t know which of Newton’s laws I can blame for this, possibly all of them, but in this mostly one sided tug of war, something had to give. Forces of nature took over, picked my stupid ass off the bike and threw me on the ground. The same forces simultaneously picked the bike up by the back wheel, turned it over and threw it on me with some substantial power. The forces of Mullac, not knowing all of this was carrying on behind him, proceeded with his action item of driving forward and unbeknownst to him continued to drag this bitch over me.
Winded and beaten with a severely bruised ego I sat on the side of the road and all I could think was, “Shit, if something is broken I am not going to be able to fly to Qatar next week. NOT GOOD!”
That’s when the bills started:
X-rays, doctor’s consultations and referral for these x-rays, pain killers, ankle and wrist straps, bike damage and now the requirement to hire a car for a week to get around. All in all around $600. Damaged ego, priceless. For everything else there’s Intelligence!
I’m grateful I got off as lightly as I did. It could have been worse. Thanks to the CAT boots I was wearing I didn’t require reconstructive surgery on my foot.
The memories of the incident are fading but the pain lingers on as a “nice” reminder that even out of the work place, safety starts at home! Engage brain before action.
** Published date altered to understand the timeline clearer
